I dont like to be told to do/ stop doing this or that. as a matter of fact most of us dont like...yeah??
wot iff some1 forces/ puts a pressure on us to do/ stop doing something??? I'll do it more if they ask me to stop doing it. because i hate to be told. I know why ppl ask me not to do. i'm empathetic. if ppl dont gimme time, i'll do it more.
i was told many a times to read books ....i hated to read for various reassons. but few ppl used to tell me more..ofcourse not pressurize, to read books. in neva touched a book then, coz i hated it. now no1 has told me, i got the intrest, i'm reading.
i'm being told not to have few bad habits. ppl know that i do it more if i'm asked not to, inspite of knowing it very clearly..ppl are telling me. wot does it mean...? hahahaha.....
recently i've stopped being empathetic with ppl who are not spl. earlier i was in a misconception that every1 is spl...n i used to b empethetic to ppl. now NO. my personal life is diff...it's rude n carries a lot of attitude. professionally i'm always empathetic...children are always spl.
Q n A
1Q) Wot are things that we can really stop ...???
A) train, fire, births(lols), etc...
2Q) wot are the things that we can't stop/ help stopping..???
A) love, care, floods, rain etc
3Q) wot are the things that attract???
A) magnet, some ppl, nice music, accidents etc
4Q) wot are the things that cause aversion?
A) too much, possessiveness, etc
5Q) wot is this?
A) stupidity, reality etc
6Q) ........???
A) ....... etc
A) train, fire, births(lols), etc...
2Q) wot are the things that we can't stop/ help stopping..???
A) love, care, floods, rain etc
3Q) wot are the things that attract???
A) magnet, some ppl, nice music, accidents etc
4Q) wot are the things that cause aversion?
A) too much, possessiveness, etc
5Q) wot is this?
A) stupidity, reality etc
6Q) ........???
A) ....... etc
wot christmas spls???
wot was yesterday's specialty? I was on roads from am to pm. i was hunting for a house and searched each and every lane in few areas at blr. while searching some ppl gave few weird n strange looks...that made me feel aweful. dey were looking at me and my baby bro shanky.who was driving the byk, in a way as if we're professional robbers or burglars. yikes.
it was so tiring yesterday. though i was upset that the search ended with no result n that it has to be continued again today, a thought of my frn '3nadh' kept me hopeful. he's coming 2moro nyt. am just dying to c, meet n talk to him. it's been almost 5 centuries we haven seen him.actually i thought he left me and went away...but no..it's me who left him at hyd came to blr leaving him over there....now he's coming here for holiday....now i'll not leave him. he's coming. am feeling like as if the legend is coming bak.yuhoooooooo
heyyyyyy yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy
we're going to ibiza............bak to the island. we're gonna hve a party...in the Mediterranean sea.~~~~~~~
'2 lil dicky birds sat on a wall
1 named peter other named paul.
fly away peter fly away paul
come back peter come back paul' ....
it was so tiring yesterday. though i was upset that the search ended with no result n that it has to be continued again today, a thought of my frn '3nadh' kept me hopeful. he's coming 2moro nyt. am just dying to c, meet n talk to him. it's been almost 5 centuries we haven seen him.actually i thought he left me and went away...but no..it's me who left him at hyd came to blr leaving him over there....now he's coming here for holiday....now i'll not leave him. he's coming. am feeling like as if the legend is coming bak.yuhoooooooo
heyyyyyy yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy
we're going to ibiza............bak to the island. we're gonna hve a party...in the Mediterranean sea.~~~~~~~
'2 lil dicky birds sat on a wall
1 named peter other named paul.
fly away peter fly away paul
come back peter come back paul' ....
ten tena ten ten ten tara
1) few freaks 'like' woteva v write for the status msg on fb...i wonder if they read between the lines or atleast the lines. sometimes i doubt if they hate me/ my enemies or wot for liking some sorrowful/msgs of distress. huh.
2) talk less think more-old. .....latest: talk less think less
3) talk wen u walk they say. i say walk wen u dont talk. it's healthy.
4) change is gud 'but not always'. i've changed, it's good. my blog name changed again, it's bad.
5) planning to have timings / schedule to answer calls from frns/ family/ parents/ students.....it's discipline.
6) vexed to hear from interviewers that i'm an excellent person....planning to make a PS in my resume stating to not to use such stereotyped statements.
7) simple to complex is 'the way'.
8) just like education, having a F.R.I.E.N.D is also more like a privilege than a fundamental right.
9) life is all about breathing in and breathing out....all that matters is wot we breathe
10) toot ta tara...shooting stars....even tara will break/ become ashes. nothing is permanent. even the abstract relations/ concepts like patience, anger, grudge, love or even friendship.
2) talk less think more-old. .....latest: talk less think less
3) talk wen u walk they say. i say walk wen u dont talk. it's healthy.
4) change is gud 'but not always'. i've changed, it's good. my blog name changed again, it's bad.
5) planning to have timings / schedule to answer calls from frns/ family/ parents/ students.....it's discipline.
6) vexed to hear from interviewers that i'm an excellent person....planning to make a PS in my resume stating to not to use such stereotyped statements.
7) simple to complex is 'the way'.
8) just like education, having a F.R.I.E.N.D is also more like a privilege than a fundamental right.
9) life is all about breathing in and breathing out....all that matters is wot we breathe
10) toot ta tara...shooting stars....even tara will break/ become ashes. nothing is permanent. even the abstract relations/ concepts like patience, anger, grudge, love or even friendship.
~~Rest In Peace~~ the Child In Me
Rest in peace the child in me.......who's been brutally killed by certain young psychic souls. It was actually a mental rape i should say. such bad ppl n such bad circumstances the child had to face, that it brought death.... rest in peace the child in me.
i can never forget u, the child in me,
rest in peace dear child in me.
very good friends we have been,
variety of times, together we've seen.
i witnessed u suffering,
u died badly stammering.
the loud sounds of fear,
i could always badly hear.
with the swords u've been killed
all those words, in my mind are completely filled.
'coz my skin isn't a crape,
u are prone to mental rape.
i tried to protect you everytime,
i cried to lose you last time.
from the heavens u watch me,
rest in peace dear child in me.
i can never forget u, the child in me, rest in peace dear child in me.
very good friends we have been,
variety of times, together we've seen.
i witnessed u suffering,
u died badly stammering.
the loud sounds of fear,
i could always badly hear.
with the swords u've been killed
all those words, in my mind are completely filled.
'coz my skin isn't a crape,
u are prone to mental rape.
i tried to protect you everytime,
i cried to lose you last time.
from the heavens u watch me,
rest in peace dear child in me.
I've given yo too much
Go ahead, just leave, can't hold you, you're free You take all these things if they mean so much to you I gave you your dreams cause you meant the world So did I deserve to be left here hurt You think I don't know, you're out of control I ended up finding all of this from my boys Girl, you're stone cold, you say it ain't so You already know I'm not attached to material Chorus: I'd give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love Ciara: Yeah, what did I do to get lost with you I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you You promised to be, all that's not me Go 'head, keep the keys, that's not what I need from you You think that you know (I do), you've made yourself cold (Oh yeah) How could you believe them over me, I'm your girl You're out of control (So what?!), how could you let go (Oh yeah) Don't you know I'm not attached to material
I'd give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love, my love... Enrique: So all this love I give you, take it away (Uhh, uh huh) Ciara: You think material's the reason I came (Uhh, uh huh) Enrique: If I had nothing would you want me to stay (Uhh, uh huh) Ciara: You keep your money, take it all away I'd give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love...
~~Enriue
125: not out
ha! this is my 125th post...not out.
there are two reasons that made glad today....
1) my friend varoooon called me up from US after a really really very long time.
2) i went to park. i walked n sat there under the shades of very big trees. it was really kool n calm.
these two events were very important for me to get back my mental peace...inner peace.
Varooon is my class10 mate. he talks very little n very intelligent n cheerful guy. he's gone to US for MS n now working there. i'm friends with his family also. i spoke to him over the fone for over 20 mins and we both felt very very happy.
there are two new habits am consciously and with intrest am inculcating.
1) walking a lot
2) reading books.
the new book i bought yesterday is really very interesting. it's catching my attention (for me to divert my mind from the unpleasant things happened in my recent past is v imp). it's inspiring too.
there are two old habits i'm consciously trying to leave
1) talking alot
2) not keeping secrets with best friends
so now i'm trying to keep secrets and quiet.
there are two reasons that made glad today....
1) my friend varoooon called me up from US after a really really very long time.
2) i went to park. i walked n sat there under the shades of very big trees. it was really kool n calm.
these two events were very important for me to get back my mental peace...inner peace.
Varooon is my class10 mate. he talks very little n very intelligent n cheerful guy. he's gone to US for MS n now working there. i'm friends with his family also. i spoke to him over the fone for over 20 mins and we both felt very very happy.
there are two new habits am consciously and with intrest am inculcating.
1) walking a lot
2) reading books.
the new book i bought yesterday is really very interesting. it's catching my attention (for me to divert my mind from the unpleasant things happened in my recent past is v imp). it's inspiring too.
there are two old habits i'm consciously trying to leave
1) talking alot
2) not keeping secrets with best friends
so now i'm trying to keep secrets and quiet.
learn~unlearn~relearn: mantra of life???!!!???
is life all about learning???
n woteva we learn we practice/follow...n at one point of time dont we get vexed/ pissed/ bored/t ired/ discouraged of that thing (some kinda fatigue), dont we?
then wot we do? we'll either leave or forget it? means unlearn????
again something happens; n we are either forced/choose to learn the same thing in a different or updated or sophisticated way ?
is life all about "learn~unlearn~relearn" thing???
nothing much/ beyond it?
wot can we do to make it interesting?
lately, i realized to avoid such fatigues i can/ have to change my hobbies n habits.
i always hated to read books. i neva bought a book on my own till date except for the text n note books(subject related). things weren't quite kool on my side of late. i'm completely shaken by the ppl's weird n very rude behaviors. i'm now not gutsy enuf even to open my mouth to ask for a help/ take a suggestion. even best of the friends looked like true n too strangers.
but i'm desperately n definitely in need of a diversion from emotions n feelings, motivation in and for life n its survival, work to keep myself engaged progressively, and definitely not for a shoulder to put my head n shed tears. i'm not looking for material like friend but for friend like material.
i was only wondering wot can help in accomplishing / reaching the above mentioned needs? clueless on wer to go yet roaming on the roads walking. i walked miles in search of a friend. i neva knew that friends are sold in stores for such less prices until i came across this bookstore 'crossword', today evening and i'm so glad- i had a real gudevening.
i had 300 bucks to fight a week ahead n to buy some book to reach my needs i ought to buy 1. i was thinking whether to buy 1 or not. i reviewed my needs n realized atleast for the 2nd half of the 2nd need (out of the above mentioned ones) i have to buy 1.
i suddenly felt like reading becoz last month i read this book 'david copperfield' for the sake of my student n i read it in 2hrs with a forced half an hr brk. it made me feel so glad. in the begining it was so difficult, but the story intrested me n motivated me to read it til the end without a brk. that pleasant feeling remained n made me to feel like reading another book.
wen i saw the book store i felt that i shd buy a book n that is wot i'm in immeadiate need. i searched for a book, i found 1 static n the other interactive type. i was in a grt confusion on wot to buy. i again had to prioritize n decide. finally i bot 1 book n am happy now.
i'm happy that i'm not talking to many ppl, not even the very close 1s- yet i'm feeling greatly relieved.
initially i was hated books, now i've learnt that books are true friends....n may be in future i'll get into too much of book reading or again restart hating to read books...anything can happen. but i surely know 1 thing ....it all depends on the book i select--the friend i select (just like reality eh?). but tell me, until i read the book how can i know whether i'm gonna like/ hate it (just like making friends n then gelling n then,.....eh?).
life is all about "learn~unlearn~relearn"...whether it's interesting or boring. it is a continuous process.
~~~om shanthi om~~~
Q: phil comes out of life or life comes out of phil??
1-2-3 get set go
123rd post and am all set to go. go places? no i mean run away. lately i realized that i can not run away from ppl. i'm born to be haunted by ppl. i have no space in this world. i'm powerless. ppl dictate n rule me. i find evryone ruling deciding wot i shd do. dont i have any place to take any decisions? no one cares what i want. ppl dont ask me wot i want until i do something weird? ppl are so selfish. once in my lifetime, today i tried being selfish, i wanted to live for myself and tried to take out sometime. god damn it, such a pathetic fate mine is, i cant really escape anyone. suddenly...everyone around me look so scary. i dont feel like seeing, hearing, or touch them. am like liking wen they look, talk/touch me. it's highly irritating. wot signs are these?
i have completely lost my independence. wen i came to blr, i was happy, like neva before. i used to talk n share. now..? am scared to share, meet and participate. shd i see a doc? i think i'm retarding or is it i'm being forced to withdraw and retard?am so very badly pissed off. life is truly fucking.
ppl see only from their point of view. there is something called empathy. ppl hardly know abt it, even if known i wonder if they can understand it, and forget abt being empathetic.
ppl suggest without having complete information. i hate it. i hate myself.
I WANNA GIVE UP. I WANNA QUIT. I WANT AN END!
i have completely lost my independence. wen i came to blr, i was happy, like neva before. i used to talk n share. now..? am scared to share, meet and participate. shd i see a doc? i think i'm retarding or is it i'm being forced to withdraw and retard?am so very badly pissed off. life is truly fucking.
ppl see only from their point of view. there is something called empathy. ppl hardly know abt it, even if known i wonder if they can understand it, and forget abt being empathetic.
ppl suggest without having complete information. i hate it. i hate myself.
I WANNA GIVE UP. I WANNA QUIT. I WANT AN END!
sailing in the same boats n yet lonely?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it's been a long time i haven't blogged. not that i was busy/ dint feel like writing, it's just laziness. i was really free n jobless for the past 1 month. i dint write secondly coz i was angry and upset with 2 persons and i was afraid if my anger reflects in my words and hurts/ disturbs the readers. i feel like slapping them in public, scolding, bashing and bullying them. sue them. dey're continuously pissing me off. am completely disturbed.
a friend (assuming so) of mine asked me why i have chosen this field (special education) as career..my profession. the same question has been asked to me by several people and i gave smile in reply. not that i dont have a clear answer but i dont want to give any damn scope to unwanted arguments/ make things controversial by answering. i have chosen this field for many important reasons. i'd have chosen human genetics/ call centre/ IT/ some other job, but i dint do dat becoz anybody can do these jobs. though less fetching and highly challenging, special education field is very important for me and hence, i've chosen it for various other reasons.
lately i've been labeled by a very close person (naam ke vaaste close. in reality we are very far from each other mentally, personality wise and so on) that i dont have good relations, i quarrel alot, i fight and so on. these kind of words have almost killed the child (i)n me ( for passing completely irrelevant yet very harsh statements). i really felt like dying, but dint coz i dont want to kill the joy ppl around me were having at that moment. how cud n why shd some1 who has known me for ages label me like dat? where is the mistake? am i really like that? those words are badly echoing in my ears and disturbing me day n night.
as person n a spl educator i give completely pleasant environment and stimulus to my students. it is very important. at the age of 24 wen a child (i)n me gets so badly disturbed, why not the kids in reality get disturbed wen some1 labels/ play pranks/ tease/ scold/ bash them publicly/privately. these kind of things make a very bad impact on the behaviors of the kids. not having a single clue on how to vent out that frustration/ agony children will get into behaviour problems. again ppl will label them, poke them, tease them for their own evil, psychic and mental satisfaction and ultimately children are worst victims.
i only wish that something happens and the nuclei of the human sperm and the ova fuse no more in the world in order to prevent the children from getting bad experiences, though practically impossible, the only ideal solution i c. either the whole world or my world shd come to an end. i cant stand this any more.
these days, i havent been talking/ sharing much with my friends. though i'm hangout very frequently i havent been sharing much becoz i'm completely scared. i'm feeling as if i'm retarding. i cant take labels, harsh statements. in order to avoid such humiliating situations, i find it better to withdraw myself, keep my mouth zipped all the time. am so scared that even a single moment of mine will make people find some fault in it and point out some or the other mistake. am i completely wrong (holistically)? and hence, am now feeling that speech, vision, intellect, mobility are no more gifts. i'm feeling so unlucky for not being born as a person with intellectual disability with associated condition of speech-vision-hearing impairments. am so unlucky. there are more unpleasant stimulus and experiences than pleasant ones. my life is not being positively reinforced, more over am feeling like punished.
when i see my facebook wall, orkut status updates, blogs of my friends...i feel as if almost everyone is pissed off with life and we all are sailing in a same boat. but u see each of us has different problems and so am so very lonely here. am happy atleast am alone here.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
recent moments
Inspiration: A cousin of mine has inspired me alot and has been inspiring me so much of late. every1 of us get ideas. not many implement. i do it. but unlike me, my cousin, the moment he got the idea, started working on it...he is working so hard to make it true/ possible. kudos to his attitude n spirit. i was only wondering and learning to take out time from any busy schedules to do something gud/ new. we have to make it possible howeva difficult it is. dear bro...many say that i'm inspiration for them...u have inspired me grtly...i promise this inspiration that i've got from u, will be reflected in me soon. he's my big bro. he's a leo. \m/
Desperation: I'm desperately trying to come out of a hell. I'm living in a dead place. i'm suffering n i strongly feel that i dont deserve to suffer the way i'm. god give me a sigh.
Frustration: there are certain unanswered questions, unpredictable people, untold words, unexplainable emotional feelings, unending agony.....these all can be cleared but i really dunno how. but are causing me grtr frustration.
Agitation: it is n in my mind. life is like water...unstable. up n downs, like some ecg line..
Emotion: fully disturbed. outward. throwing out. impulsive at once. god knows y this. god...i asked u 'why me??' not 'try me!'.
Determination: I'm determined to learn classical dance n i will...but dunno wen...:P
Termination: some ppl n few habits are intentionally n deliberately terminated from my life by me. n am happy abt it.
Resolution: I should develop some 'ego'...well this ego shdnt cum in between my way...i mean in my relationships/work/woteva
Transformation: life previously appeared to b so 'S*cking', but now that 'S' has transformed to a big 'F' thing. Damn it.
Suffocation: his anxs n reaxns are suffocating me...i'm afraid that i'll be blown away someday without a notice.
dunno wen exactly...but surely will c ya all in the next post...
until then...chillax
Desperation: I'm desperately trying to come out of a hell. I'm living in a dead place. i'm suffering n i strongly feel that i dont deserve to suffer the way i'm. god give me a sigh.
Frustration: there are certain unanswered questions, unpredictable people, untold words, unexplainable emotional feelings, unending agony.....these all can be cleared but i really dunno how. but are causing me grtr frustration.
Agitation: it is n in my mind. life is like water...unstable. up n downs, like some ecg line..
Emotion: fully disturbed. outward. throwing out. impulsive at once. god knows y this. god...i asked u 'why me??' not 'try me!'.
Determination: I'm determined to learn classical dance n i will...but dunno wen...:P
Termination: some ppl n few habits are intentionally n deliberately terminated from my life by me. n am happy abt it.
Resolution: I should develop some 'ego'...well this ego shdnt cum in between my way...i mean in my relationships/work/woteva
Transformation: life previously appeared to b so 'S*cking', but now that 'S' has transformed to a big 'F' thing. Damn it.
Suffocation: his anxs n reaxns are suffocating me...i'm afraid that i'll be blown away someday without a notice.
dunno wen exactly...but surely will c ya all in the next post...
until then...chillax
minding own business
there is nothing like minding own business...
i heard that it is hardest job...
but for me it's the easiest and coolest job...and to mind others business is very hard and bugging
at work place...i mind my own business and never evn think of others...on other hand..i dont even let any1 to mind my business, in case if any1 dares do that, i c to it they dont ever dare to mind anybody elses business also.
it so happened dat an old lady's been trying to do the same here in my skool with me, i did nothing to make her realize with whom she's messing. i kept quiet all these days, but today she's tested my patience and she sensed it when i still kept quiet. she was fully shaken to c me quiet, she understood dat i'm gonna give it to my higher authories in writing abt her. the way she behaved with me to express how sorry she was..was quite funny. i just ignored her as a part of behaviour modification for her..she was trying to seek my attention. :P
my management also is so very irritating..they just pissed me off.. i'm going thru grt depression n trying hard to come out of it.
there is some kind of visual impairment here with my skool ppl, i believe. they cant see my success stories, they only see how stubborn i'm. they call me stubborn..i call it strictness.
i'm hating my job. god pls c me,,,
my only happiness over here is my student M. HE'S MY BABY. i'm nurture him with grt love n care. he's my pride. till date he's never upset me. the saddest n sickest side of me is...he told me n expressed that he wants to sleep in my room, because he's getting scared in his room and also that he likes my room. a special child communicating and expressing his wants with genuine and clear reasons. he expected me to take him to my room tonight. i'm sick. i cudnt stand up to his expectations. there is a hell lot of procedure to do it, i can do it. but i want to overcome his fear to sleep alone. this i dont know how to tell him. in a way he's inspired to open up n tell the needs clearly. his action has made me speechless today. a boy who only used to say ya/ y/ no/ ok...now talks in sentences dat too with clarity in thought, expression and speech. whose acheivement is it? his/mine/ both?
during dusshera...my mood was out and i did not celebrate..i havent even taken bath that day. if im not happy..it is not festival. if i'm happy that is time to celebrate and its festival for me.
recently there have been few instances apart from my student's performances, that made me happy..yet i failed to celebrate fearing that some1 known/unknown wud kill my joy. i celebrated it thinking it to myself, staying alone, remembering and recollecting all the instances that gave me happiness n made me feel like celebrating.
what am i up2???? at times i dont find answer to this question. sometimes extremely happy and some other times too depressed...but 1 big thing is...emotionally stable. wen happy am not jumping high out of joy n wen depresd am not crying/etc...i'm minding my own business n trying to conquer myself....
i heard that it is hardest job...
but for me it's the easiest and coolest job...and to mind others business is very hard and bugging
at work place...i mind my own business and never evn think of others...on other hand..i dont even let any1 to mind my business, in case if any1 dares do that, i c to it they dont ever dare to mind anybody elses business also.
it so happened dat an old lady's been trying to do the same here in my skool with me, i did nothing to make her realize with whom she's messing. i kept quiet all these days, but today she's tested my patience and she sensed it when i still kept quiet. she was fully shaken to c me quiet, she understood dat i'm gonna give it to my higher authories in writing abt her. the way she behaved with me to express how sorry she was..was quite funny. i just ignored her as a part of behaviour modification for her..she was trying to seek my attention. :P
my management also is so very irritating..they just pissed me off.. i'm going thru grt depression n trying hard to come out of it.
there is some kind of visual impairment here with my skool ppl, i believe. they cant see my success stories, they only see how stubborn i'm. they call me stubborn..i call it strictness.
i'm hating my job. god pls c me,,,
my only happiness over here is my student M. HE'S MY BABY. i'm nurture him with grt love n care. he's my pride. till date he's never upset me. the saddest n sickest side of me is...he told me n expressed that he wants to sleep in my room, because he's getting scared in his room and also that he likes my room. a special child communicating and expressing his wants with genuine and clear reasons. he expected me to take him to my room tonight. i'm sick. i cudnt stand up to his expectations. there is a hell lot of procedure to do it, i can do it. but i want to overcome his fear to sleep alone. this i dont know how to tell him. in a way he's inspired to open up n tell the needs clearly. his action has made me speechless today. a boy who only used to say ya/ y/ no/ ok...now talks in sentences dat too with clarity in thought, expression and speech. whose acheivement is it? his/mine/ both?
during dusshera...my mood was out and i did not celebrate..i havent even taken bath that day. if im not happy..it is not festival. if i'm happy that is time to celebrate and its festival for me.
recently there have been few instances apart from my student's performances, that made me happy..yet i failed to celebrate fearing that some1 known/unknown wud kill my joy. i celebrated it thinking it to myself, staying alone, remembering and recollecting all the instances that gave me happiness n made me feel like celebrating.
what am i up2???? at times i dont find answer to this question. sometimes extremely happy and some other times too depressed...but 1 big thing is...emotionally stable. wen happy am not jumping high out of joy n wen depresd am not crying/etc...i'm minding my own business n trying to conquer myself....
random writings
yoga brings me mental peace.
my mind is just like a report of typical ecg...ups and downs
there is nothing like working with children and seeing them learning with joy and remembering, recollecting n applying learnt stuff weneva required...
i got a lot of peace wen i chant 'om' atleast for 20 times...feeling the vibrating vocal chords with the palm is so awesome.
learning happens at each and every moment of our life...some happen with our awareness and some other without...
my laptop has become very old..wanna buy a new compact, slim n sleek one. but dis wil not hapen in near future.
my 1yr 6 months of xpress music nokia mobile is battling with life. slowing it's loosing its efficiency...but neva the spirit..just like it's owner.
managing many accounts, remembering various usernames and passwords needs higher intellect, else forget abt confidentiality and privacy wrt to the user accounts
life is so uncertain. it's very quick wen we're happy and damn slow like my lappy wen we're down with some sorrow or misery.
meet u in my next post, till den tc.
my mind is just like a report of typical ecg...ups and downs
there is nothing like working with children and seeing them learning with joy and remembering, recollecting n applying learnt stuff weneva required...
i got a lot of peace wen i chant 'om' atleast for 20 times...feeling the vibrating vocal chords with the palm is so awesome.
learning happens at each and every moment of our life...some happen with our awareness and some other without...
my laptop has become very old..wanna buy a new compact, slim n sleek one. but dis wil not hapen in near future.
my 1yr 6 months of xpress music nokia mobile is battling with life. slowing it's loosing its efficiency...but neva the spirit..just like it's owner.
managing many accounts, remembering various usernames and passwords needs higher intellect, else forget abt confidentiality and privacy wrt to the user accounts
life is so uncertain. it's very quick wen we're happy and damn slow like my lappy wen we're down with some sorrow or misery.
meet u in my next post, till den tc.
i want to pass it on...........
It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it, you spread His love to everyone;
You want to pass it on.
What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it, you spread His love to everyone;
You want to pass it on.
What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.
memoirs n me
how things change and how ppl change...
change is good it seems. yeah there are so many changes in my close friends, i'm observing and happy for them.
1) my friend T has gone to Arunachal Pradesh for job, in the month of August. In the month of Jan he's gone to Delhi for job. it was a big thing for him n his family. they never lived so far from each other. he went there hoping that another friend V is also there, so he'll b able to help him in coping up and slowly he'll adjust to the new home n work environment. in just a month he came back home. he couldnt adjust. work place, work load, home, food and climate everything was so very horrible and it's really good that he came back. he has lost a lot of weight.Now c, the climate, food, ppl, language, culture wot not everything abt life is different and new for him over der in arunachal pradesh. But he has learnt to adjust. we dont know wot difficulties he's facing, he's still surviving. He's FIT. he has changed alot. it's good.
i only wish god bless him and gets transfred to a better place soon, so that he's lil relieved n live in peace.
2) another friend V was very famous and well known in my gang, for his time sense. He used to b late atleast by 3hrs for every meeting/ work. he has tested all our patience. we used to tell him that he should have time sense and all that. never he took it seriously and used to dust off. He's also gone to Delhi in the month of Dec (2009). Now he's in blr. we meet on weekends. and to my surprise, he's become so punctual and his timing my god. that's very very big change in him. he's also learnt few things, which i dont want to mention here,,, are all making me so happy. happy is the child (i)n me. the change in him is so good. hope he maintains it.
3) Sugee, my sweet heart, my only gf...i dont know how she's surviving without me at hyd. i felt so sick of me, wen i left my sis swats and sugee in hyd and went to blr. i was literally crying from inside to leave them n go. sugee n i are very close and share alot (not evrything). we used to keep things in mind n used to talk n share a lot wen we meet, sometimes we used to sleep at around 4 or 5am. sometimes i used to fall asleep and sometimes she, while talking, n we'd to wake up by 7am or so to get bak to work. it was tough yet so sweet. i miss it terribly. life was in proper form wen we have such frns and instances. It's been ages, we haven't seen ach other. although v r in touch with each other, i know that she's unable to share few critical things with me, i can sense it. yet she's managing, without telling me. my baby she is. i only wish i get time to spend one full day with her wen i go to hyd, later in this week.
4) another big change in sans (me) is that i've become lil more matured, learning to balance situations, myself n my emotions. its a big thing for me. i dont know whether am dusting off certain disappointing things/ppl/ wot, but am neither locking myself in the washroom nor am i crying. last month der was sth really very bad hapend n so icried badly. i cudnt control, on top more n more frustrating things were over loading, i was unable to express, hence i cried. i only pray god that i dnt get such days anymore. self appraisal is bad, but it is a certainly reinforcer at times. i must say that der is no other gal like me n shdnt be. shdnt be..coz it is very very difficult to bear the pain. nobody else shd get it. of late i've learnt a lot of mangement skills and i dint know dat i can do such things. i feel good. i like it. i only hope that i develop more n more.
TO SEE BEAUTY IN THINGS IS A GIFT, HOPE V ALL GET IT SOON.
change is good it seems. yeah there are so many changes in my close friends, i'm observing and happy for them.
1) my friend T has gone to Arunachal Pradesh for job, in the month of August. In the month of Jan he's gone to Delhi for job. it was a big thing for him n his family. they never lived so far from each other. he went there hoping that another friend V is also there, so he'll b able to help him in coping up and slowly he'll adjust to the new home n work environment. in just a month he came back home. he couldnt adjust. work place, work load, home, food and climate everything was so very horrible and it's really good that he came back. he has lost a lot of weight.Now c, the climate, food, ppl, language, culture wot not everything abt life is different and new for him over der in arunachal pradesh. But he has learnt to adjust. we dont know wot difficulties he's facing, he's still surviving. He's FIT. he has changed alot. it's good.
i only wish god bless him and gets transfred to a better place soon, so that he's lil relieved n live in peace.
2) another friend V was very famous and well known in my gang, for his time sense. He used to b late atleast by 3hrs for every meeting/ work. he has tested all our patience. we used to tell him that he should have time sense and all that. never he took it seriously and used to dust off. He's also gone to Delhi in the month of Dec (2009). Now he's in blr. we meet on weekends. and to my surprise, he's become so punctual and his timing my god. that's very very big change in him. he's also learnt few things, which i dont want to mention here,,, are all making me so happy. happy is the child (i)n me. the change in him is so good. hope he maintains it.
3) Sugee, my sweet heart, my only gf...i dont know how she's surviving without me at hyd. i felt so sick of me, wen i left my sis swats and sugee in hyd and went to blr. i was literally crying from inside to leave them n go. sugee n i are very close and share alot (not evrything). we used to keep things in mind n used to talk n share a lot wen we meet, sometimes we used to sleep at around 4 or 5am. sometimes i used to fall asleep and sometimes she, while talking, n we'd to wake up by 7am or so to get bak to work. it was tough yet so sweet. i miss it terribly. life was in proper form wen we have such frns and instances. It's been ages, we haven't seen ach other. although v r in touch with each other, i know that she's unable to share few critical things with me, i can sense it. yet she's managing, without telling me. my baby she is. i only wish i get time to spend one full day with her wen i go to hyd, later in this week.
4) another big change in sans (me) is that i've become lil more matured, learning to balance situations, myself n my emotions. its a big thing for me. i dont know whether am dusting off certain disappointing things/ppl/ wot, but am neither locking myself in the washroom nor am i crying. last month der was sth really very bad hapend n so icried badly. i cudnt control, on top more n more frustrating things were over loading, i was unable to express, hence i cried. i only pray god that i dnt get such days anymore. self appraisal is bad, but it is a certainly reinforcer at times. i must say that der is no other gal like me n shdnt be. shdnt be..coz it is very very difficult to bear the pain. nobody else shd get it. of late i've learnt a lot of mangement skills and i dint know dat i can do such things. i feel good. i like it. i only hope that i develop more n more.
TO SEE BEAUTY IN THINGS IS A GIFT, HOPE V ALL GET IT SOON.
The F Machines
I'm writing this post in a really very very frustrated and agitated mood. i'm angry. when in angry we shouldn't take any decisions it seems. my foot.
am hating all men. men are all so disgusting. men make women happy. more than happy, they disappoint.
men are selfish and not really transparent. they say that they are clear about what they are doing, but actually aren't. they want to play a safe game all the time,,,no matter what pain women gets out of that. so selfish haan?
i'm writing this kinda post for the first time. ppl will try to comment, i'm blocking it, yet they try to send anonymous comments thru some how, coz they cant take truths and facts wen told publicly like this.
Men are machines. they are mechanical and robots. they are F machines. they F women, children, older ppl...physically, mentally and emotionally. they dont have hearts. they only use their minds and hence are insensitive. they dont know what is meant by being empathetic. they cant understand a women. men sometimes understand so badly that the reaction will be quite opposite to our expectations.
y are men like this? they disturb us so badly and say that we r sensitive n v have to b strong. how long a woman has to compromise and sacrifice? women are (still) in vulnerable state?
am hating all men. men are all so disgusting. men make women happy. more than happy, they disappoint.
men are selfish and not really transparent. they say that they are clear about what they are doing, but actually aren't. they want to play a safe game all the time,,,no matter what pain women gets out of that. so selfish haan?
i'm writing this kinda post for the first time. ppl will try to comment, i'm blocking it, yet they try to send anonymous comments thru some how, coz they cant take truths and facts wen told publicly like this.
Men are machines. they are mechanical and robots. they are F machines. they F women, children, older ppl...physically, mentally and emotionally. they dont have hearts. they only use their minds and hence are insensitive. they dont know what is meant by being empathetic. they cant understand a women. men sometimes understand so badly that the reaction will be quite opposite to our expectations.
y are men like this? they disturb us so badly and say that we r sensitive n v have to b strong. how long a woman has to compromise and sacrifice? women are (still) in vulnerable state?
there's a storm in my head
it's dusshera vacation. 7th-17th holidays for skool (solid 11 days), yuppieeeeee
it's so good that i got 10days of time...i have plans of my own...
i desperately wana go to vizag. i wana spend time with those kids (atleast few hours) at shanti ashram. dont i deserve it...? or dont dey deserve my presence? wot is it? am not getting a chance to c them. earlier i dint have time to go, now i have time but no chance. i'm struck with some unexplainable commitments, i hate it.
am home, doing absolutely nothing.am only wasting time. am i resting? no am not resting, i dont need rest, i took rest yesterday. i wana go, but i cant. then wot the heck am i doing over here, sitting idle at home?
my plans of doing a workshop are in progress, ppl want me der, my presence is deir confidence. but look at the beauty...am idling at home. i wana go but cant. i cant.huh. so very disgusting.
in another day or two i'll be leaving to my sister at hyd. she'll be going to ofice, again i'll be idling der. body present mind absent. my mind, heart, soul are in vizag. every movement of mine tells me n reminds me of the kids, whom i'm missing terribly.
there's a storm in my head. i haven't seen dem for ages. der are very few ppl in the lives of those kids who think of them like this, and dose kids wait for them. making them wait for so long is not at all fair on my part. i'll be surely cursed by the god for disappointing those kids.
god save me n those kids..
it's so good that i got 10days of time...i have plans of my own...
i desperately wana go to vizag. i wana spend time with those kids (atleast few hours) at shanti ashram. dont i deserve it...? or dont dey deserve my presence? wot is it? am not getting a chance to c them. earlier i dint have time to go, now i have time but no chance. i'm struck with some unexplainable commitments, i hate it.
am home, doing absolutely nothing.am only wasting time. am i resting? no am not resting, i dont need rest, i took rest yesterday. i wana go, but i cant. then wot the heck am i doing over here, sitting idle at home?
my plans of doing a workshop are in progress, ppl want me der, my presence is deir confidence. but look at the beauty...am idling at home. i wana go but cant. i cant.huh. so very disgusting.
in another day or two i'll be leaving to my sister at hyd. she'll be going to ofice, again i'll be idling der. body present mind absent. my mind, heart, soul are in vizag. every movement of mine tells me n reminds me of the kids, whom i'm missing terribly.
there's a storm in my head. i haven't seen dem for ages. der are very few ppl in the lives of those kids who think of them like this, and dose kids wait for them. making them wait for so long is not at all fair on my part. i'll be surely cursed by the god for disappointing those kids.
god save me n those kids..
who is it?
1) who has taken my last 3 months?
i can see the results of my efforts, success stories, yet there is something / some1 terribly missing. who is it?
2) someone is touching my heart every now n then. most of my goals are accomplished without much efforts/ brainstorming. some1 must be getting help from somebody else. who is it?
3) he is awesome n he's my baby. he makes the child (i)n me happy. i wonder why and who is it?
4) i'm feeling as if some1 is guarding n nurturing me. who is it?
5) I listen to the morning school prayer, n feel the infinite pleasure, courage, spirit and motivation. the writer of the prayer is awesome. this prayer song makes me truly feel the love of god. who is he?
6) at times i get confused and mess things up because of some invisible person..who is it?
i can see the results of my efforts, success stories, yet there is something / some1 terribly missing. who is it?
2) someone is touching my heart every now n then. most of my goals are accomplished without much efforts/ brainstorming. some1 must be getting help from somebody else. who is it?
3) he is awesome n he's my baby. he makes the child (i)n me happy. i wonder why and who is it?
4) i'm feeling as if some1 is guarding n nurturing me. who is it?
5) I listen to the morning school prayer, n feel the infinite pleasure, courage, spirit and motivation. the writer of the prayer is awesome. this prayer song makes me truly feel the love of god. who is he?
6) at times i get confused and mess things up because of some invisible person..who is it?
quick bits
Quick updates:
1) biggest news and achievement...sans scored Rank-3 in the college. It is a big news for me. it's not sinking in. I neva worked/ studied for a rank. it has come to me as a shock. I dint get any info regarding the percentage but the only news i got was that i got distinction n rank-3.
it's a proud n inspiring moment for me and for the "ppl of my type".
2) my student is a lovely child. i often tell him that u shd try and u'll get it. recently he has learnt to read words by blending. ...yet another shock for me. and to my surprise he's talking in sentences and now tells me 'ma'am, am trying ma'am. Ma'am i got it ma'am.' He is MY BABY.
3) another new student (LD) (with just a month's work with him)has shown a lot of improvement, and the way teacher's put such surprising and wondering expressions is reinforcing me. \m/ I'M a Rockstar and so are My students.
4) my first baby..about whom,,,i have written in many of my previous blogs...is missing me terribly and has expressed this to me. it's such a sweet thing i've heard from him. I Miss u too dear hulk baby.
5) sans has become extremely busy with hand full of students and in training n orienting teachers in the school. the best part of it all the teachers received it positively and are willing to extend full support to help children with spl educational needs.
6) has got so many project proposals in mind n hence is craving badly for time. pls pray god..that i need atleast 30-24 hrs per day and 10-15 days per week. i need equal number of weekdays and weekends.
7) hithakarini-2 (workshop)is coming up into shape and is expected to take place in the 2nd/ 3rd week of october at vizag's shanti ashram. i'm missing those kids. they must have grown tall and must have matured a lot. longing to see them soon. they are very important for me, i must say that they've laid a foundation stone in my career n confidence.
8) as of now i havent fallen into depression in the recent past n neither i got into euphoric mood even after listening to big shocking news....i'm trying to balance my emotions, i'm learning it.
9) am feeling strange....mujhe ajeeb sa lag rag raha hai. dunno y.
10) I badly couldn't but desperately wanted to throw a lavish party on aug-26th, some1 spl's bday. wish that spl person a very very happy bday and many more years to come with joy and maturity.
1) biggest news and achievement...sans scored Rank-3 in the college. It is a big news for me. it's not sinking in. I neva worked/ studied for a rank. it has come to me as a shock. I dint get any info regarding the percentage but the only news i got was that i got distinction n rank-3.
it's a proud n inspiring moment for me and for the "ppl of my type".
2) my student is a lovely child. i often tell him that u shd try and u'll get it. recently he has learnt to read words by blending. ...yet another shock for me. and to my surprise he's talking in sentences and now tells me 'ma'am, am trying ma'am. Ma'am i got it ma'am.' He is MY BABY.
3) another new student (LD) (with just a month's work with him)has shown a lot of improvement, and the way teacher's put such surprising and wondering expressions is reinforcing me. \m/ I'M a Rockstar and so are My students.
4) my first baby..about whom,,,i have written in many of my previous blogs...is missing me terribly and has expressed this to me. it's such a sweet thing i've heard from him. I Miss u too dear hulk baby.
5) sans has become extremely busy with hand full of students and in training n orienting teachers in the school. the best part of it all the teachers received it positively and are willing to extend full support to help children with spl educational needs.
6) has got so many project proposals in mind n hence is craving badly for time. pls pray god..that i need atleast 30-24 hrs per day and 10-15 days per week. i need equal number of weekdays and weekends.
7) hithakarini-2 (workshop)is coming up into shape and is expected to take place in the 2nd/ 3rd week of october at vizag's shanti ashram. i'm missing those kids. they must have grown tall and must have matured a lot. longing to see them soon. they are very important for me, i must say that they've laid a foundation stone in my career n confidence.
8) as of now i havent fallen into depression in the recent past n neither i got into euphoric mood even after listening to big shocking news....i'm trying to balance my emotions, i'm learning it.
9) am feeling strange....mujhe ajeeb sa lag rag raha hai. dunno y.
10) I badly couldn't but desperately wanted to throw a lavish party on aug-26th, some1 spl's bday. wish that spl person a very very happy bday and many more years to come with joy and maturity.
hold on...
I wanted to write this post when i joined the special education course ie 15 months back. but cunt write n post, 'coz i was n i'm unable to understand n predict reader's reaxn. but I lately realized that there is more meaning in conveying the msg &/ or info than considering the rxn. hence, am taking this initiative with an optimistic view.
We seldom use several words to curse ppl, to tease frns, to make fun n to describe others. we use words like, dumb fella, u blind, u retarded etc. but we hardly realize n understand wot impact it makes on others who are listening to our conversation (the third person). we misuse words sometimes knowingly n some other times unknowingly.
Following are the words with their meanings/ definitions which we need to know before we use them.
Health: Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
Disease: A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.
Illness: An instance of a disease; A person's perception of having poor health; A state of having bad health
Impairment: Impairment is any loss or abnormality of psychological, physiological or anatomical structure or function.
Disability: A disability is any restriction or lack (resulting from an impairment) of ability to perform an activity in the manner or within the range considered normal for a human being.
Handicap: A handicap is a disadvantage for a given individual, resulting from an impairment or disability that limits or prevents the fulfillment of a role that is normal (depending on age, sex and social and cultural factors) for that individual.
(Definition according to Persons with Disabilities (Equal Opportunities, Protection Of Rights And Full Participation) Act, 1995 Disability means - Blindness, Low vision, Leprosy cured, Hearing impairment, Mental retardation, Mental illness.) Person with disability (PwD) means a person suffering from not less than forty percent of any disability as certified by a medical authority. Visual impairment :(previously known as Blindness, which is now not accepted) It refers to a condition where a person suffers from any of the following conditions, namely -
Cerebral Palsy: means a group of non-progressive conditions of a person characterized by abnormal motor control posture resulting from brain insult or injuries occurring in the pre-natal, peri-natal or infant period of development. Hearing impairment: (previously known as 'deaf' which is now not accepted) means loss of sixty decibels or more in the better ear in the conversational range of frequencies. Leprosy cured person: means any person who has been cured of leprosy but is suffering from
Intellectual Disability: ( previously known as Mental retardation, which is now not accepted) Intellectual disability is a disability characterized by significant limitations both in intellectual functioning and in adaptive behavior, which covers many everyday social and practical skills. This disability originates before the age of 18.
|
Psychosis: It means abnormal condition of the mind, and is a generic psychiatric term for a mental state often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality".
Neurosis: It is a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations, whereby behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms.
Hallucination: A hallucination is defined as sensory perception in the absence of external stimuli.
Illusion: It is a distortion of the senses, revealing how the brain normally organizes and interprets sensory stimulation.
Learning disability:
Dyslexia: An impairment in the brain's processing of information that results in difficulty reading, spelling, writing, and related language skills.
Dysgraphia: It is a deficiency in the ability to write, regardless of the ability to read.
Dyscalculia: It is a specific learning disability or difficulty involving innate difficulty in learning or comprehending mathematics.
Slow learners: Slow-learners are those who fail in school because of their ‘low intellectual’ abilities.
So....dear readers pls pass on this msg...not this lengthy essay but the essence of it..
let us be cautious n control our tongues b4 we utter even a single small word...if not for us at least for all the persons belonging to the above mentioned conditions.
It is a mark of respect....we need not have to out to orfanages/oldage/ destitute homes, just give them a thought...little respect, concern n care, in terms of our expressions.
god bless all of us.
sans
updown girl
I got my results. remember.....I used to tell that at my collage i'm having F**king time?? work was hell, hell lot of assignments, records, bad food, no/less sleep, emotionally-physically-mentally exhausted i was last year. after having done with my final exams..i have been waiting (for 4 months 4 days) for my results very very desperately...results of those F times I had last year.
The result is 'I'm pregnant'. God Damn it 'I PASSED THE EXAMS WITH DISTINCTION' man... And i wanna scream my lungs out......'yes!!!!! I did it'. i'm feeling psychic. wanna bang the walls, break things in order to vent out the trauma i had to and i have experienced last year.
My student Hulk (as I call him) used to tell me that I'm like the ECG.....full of ups and downs and very frequently. Who said that he's dyslexic? Who said that he's a learning disabled child? ((my baby he is. He has read my mind so correctly. He has learnt to read people's mind from their behavior. what else do i/ u/ we want him/ any1 to read.'The mind' right?? "Read the mind! learn to read the mind" this is what goes around in mind, most of the time....this is what I teach my students. I improve the quality of my student's and my life using this mantra. reading n understanding self 'introspection'..is my highest priority. i follow it n tell how important it is to my students, to follow it.))
Hardly for 24 hrs my happiness and euphoric mood lasted. some1 killed the experiences of joy, the child (i)n me was having, very very badly. I'm unable to take it. it has hurt me emotionally and mentally. i'm badly disturbed. I cant ask god for anything. i'm feeling blank about my future. though have plans for career and professional life very clear, my action and reaction towards the person who disturbed are so obscure. i cant do anything or take any decision. that thought itself is pissing me off and taking my energy away and feel so very weak. i'm feeling as if i'm being haunted by something/ some1. i wanna seriously run away from it.
I have learnt that happiness doesn't last for a longer time and expect it to last for a longer time.
what has happened to me. my blogs first name was....'the happy princess', remember/ do u know dat? lovely and adorable were dose days. wer is that princess and wot happiness?
i'm looking for a wall to scribble...scribble my mind.....write and read my mind.
i'm missing the 'real me'!
I'm struggling to balance the child (i)n me.god just help me do this...just in this, i need ur help.
The result is 'I'm pregnant'. God Damn it 'I PASSED THE EXAMS WITH DISTINCTION' man... And i wanna scream my lungs out......'yes!!!!! I did it'. i'm feeling psychic. wanna bang the walls, break things in order to vent out the trauma i had to and i have experienced last year.
...and to quote, in the list of few very very important people who shared my efforts, hard times, hard work, n all most everything...include...my sis swats baby n trinath darling.
My dad and my friend Vamsi were dere to stabilize my emotions and _______ times.
I've not spoken to many ppl as i cud hardly find time than n slowly i lost in touch with many good frns for a quite some time. some understood and some cursed me for this. both I've accepted.
now guess what...after i got the results....I was only flying in the air....all in excited state and completely lost in touch with the ground. fully in euphoric mood and i enjoyed it thoroughly. u shd see the happiness in the face of mine. it was a reflection of the happiness. Happy's the child (i)n me. I've troubled, tortured it for an year. the world was all mine on 'Thursday evening'. Thanks to fani anna and renu akka for being with me and sharing my happiness, personally.
this success n happiness of mine have share holders..(:P)..my sis, trinath, vamsi, my dad, my classmate ravi, my lecturer shilpa ma'am. the deserve every bit of my happiness.
and this success of mine is dedicated fully to my mom. it's for her I've chosen to work hard and get the same result.My student Hulk (as I call him) used to tell me that I'm like the ECG.....full of ups and downs and very frequently. Who said that he's dyslexic? Who said that he's a learning disabled child? ((my baby he is. He has read my mind so correctly. He has learnt to read people's mind from their behavior. what else do i/ u/ we want him/ any1 to read.'The mind' right?? "Read the mind! learn to read the mind" this is what goes around in mind, most of the time....this is what I teach my students. I improve the quality of my student's and my life using this mantra. reading n understanding self 'introspection'..is my highest priority. i follow it n tell how important it is to my students, to follow it.))
I have learnt that happiness doesn't last for a longer time and expect it to last for a longer time.
what has happened to me. my blogs first name was....'the happy princess', remember/ do u know dat? lovely and adorable were dose days. wer is that princess and wot happiness?
i'm looking for a wall to scribble...scribble my mind.....write and read my mind.
i'm missing the 'real me'!
I'm struggling to balance the child (i)n me.god just help me do this...just in this, i need ur help.
tagged again
tagged after a long time..this time courtesy chitz..:)..so here goes 3x7 things about myself....
1.Gerald Butler in P.S I love you (have a longtime crush...:P)
2. Tom from tom and Jerry
3.Jerry from Tom and Jerry
1.depressed
2. cheerful
3. happy
1. rest
2. do the work for n of the coming week (too much? i know..)
3. wake up late in the morning/ afternoon
1. continuously crying....for no reason
2. me n my sis wearing same kinda clothes..to the school (uniform) n at home (just like uniform)...
3. ishhh gup chup...:P
1. sleep
2. cellfone for music n lappy for internet
3. kids/ children/ students
3 ppl am tagging are... my favorite bloggers..indra, ab and swats...
n the rules are ...
3 places i would pack my travel bag for
1. to my brothers house to spend the weekend...
2. running away from any bugging place n ppl
3. trip to any place with friends
3 On-Screen characters i love to watch
2. Tom from tom and Jerry
3.Jerry from Tom and Jerry
3 moods that describes me the best
1.depressed
2. cheerful
3. happy
3 things i always think of doing on a weekend... but never did.. :)
2. do the work for n of the coming week (too much? i know..)
3. wake up late in the morning/ afternoon
3 things from my childhood that i cant forget
2. me n my sis wearing same kinda clothes..to the school (uniform) n at home (just like uniform)...
3. ishhh gup chup...:P
3 things i wud never say no to
1. sweets
2. work
3. sleep3 things i cant live without
2. cellfone for music n lappy for internet
3. kids/ children/ students
3 ppl am tagging are... my favorite bloggers..indra, ab and swats...
n the rules are ...
- Tag as many u want!
- Link their pages in your tag post
- Post a message / leave a comment screaming that they r tagged
- Mention the person who tagged you in your tag post, and link their blog.
- Write 3 X 7 things about yourself ..
celebrations of happiness
It's my love...lord krishna's bday, today...Yeppieeeeeeee
He's my super power, strength, energy, spirit, source of happiness and a ray of hope.
I know very very litle about his life, but i'm completely in love and devotion with lord Krishna!
He's a Hero!
Am so happy to celebrate Krishna!
His name, pic, thought, anything related to him gives me immense pleasure and happiness.
I'm celebrating this happiness today all alone in my room, enjoying and sharing it with just myself. it means 100%.
I may sound crazy....but i love being crazy this way...
He's my super power, strength, energy, spirit, source of happiness and a ray of hope.
I know very very litle about his life, but i'm completely in love and devotion with lord Krishna!
He's a Hero!
Am so happy to celebrate Krishna!
His name, pic, thought, anything related to him gives me immense pleasure and happiness.
I'm celebrating this happiness today all alone in my room, enjoying and sharing it with just myself. it means 100%.
I may sound crazy....but i love being crazy this way...
gimme (not) please
gimme freedom
gimme wisdom
gimme knowledge
gimme health
gimme more patience
gimme perseverance
gimme time
gimme love
gimme care
gimme a shoulder
gimme scope
gimme hope
gimme courage
gimme spirit
gimme energy
gimme strength
gimme friends
gimme family
gimme fulfillment
gimme satisfaction
gimme a touch
gimme a sigh
gimme attention
gimme not pressure
gimme not stress
gimme not toture
gimme not humiliation
gimme not weakness
gimme not dissatisfaction
gimme not anger
gimme not jealous
gimme not tiredness
gimme not scare
gimme not fear
gimme not temper
gimme not hatred
gimme not aversion
gimme not hurry
gimme not worry
gimme not much
gimme not tension
yours truly n forever
the child (i)n me (/everyone)
happy bday akkeeeeeeeeee
may be i dint know her from the day 1 she's born...but she knows me from the moment i was born.
she is altime young n ever dynamic.
She's motivated me and made me.
she brought me up and educated me.
she has grown me up and developed me.
she's my baby sis....swats.
it's her b'day today...and am missing her very very badly.
hoping that she's having a grt bday blast and wishing loads of fun and joy.
Dearest akkeeeeeee happy bday....
love u loads
hugs n kissess
chellleeeee
She's motivated me and made me.
she brought me up and educated me.
she has grown me up and developed me.
she's my baby sis....swats.
it's her b'day today...and am missing her very very badly.
hoping that she's having a grt bday blast and wishing loads of fun and joy.
Dearest akkeeeeeee happy bday....
love u loads
hugs n kissess
chellleeeee
simply complicated
to be simple is so complicated n difficult n to b complicated is so very simple.
i've realized this long back n experienced it lately.
u know wot happened.....
I was holding my anger n frustration for a longtime, kept my cool n tried hard to be simple...it was very complicated.
I lost my temper in just a second...i made things very complicated so easily. it was very simple.
I want to have peaceful relations n conversations, it is simple theoretically, practically it is very very complicated, yet I made t possible. consequences are peaceful. am mentally happy.
At times, I try to be very harsh n strict, it is very complicated, practically it is difficult, yet i made it possible. consequences are so disgusting. am mentally agitated.
My work is so complicated, involved with risk. yet i make it simple n possible. but somewer in the corners of my brain n heart it pains me badly,,,there is pressure from inside n out.
I feel like screaming my life out....
i wanna
learn kick boxing/ dance/ swimming...to exhaust my energy...
to lie down on the floor like a dead body for a long time....to be off from the world,
to run run run.....tun away from all those who n what are following me and sucking my energy n spirit off...
to bang and break things and show my heights of frustration n anger...
i wanna do all the above ________ things because wen i'm simple n wen i'm being myself, ppl misunderstand me n piss me off. i just hate it and hate them and hate myself.
i wanna see my future in some magic tv/ sth n know my life is gonna b always like dis or wot, n to c if some ppl change or not, to see wot is going to happen.
am i losing patience? or i've just lost some energy/ my spirit completely vanished? wot the F is happening?
is life really aBitch??
i've realized this long back n experienced it lately.
u know wot happened.....
I was holding my anger n frustration for a longtime, kept my cool n tried hard to be simple...it was very complicated.
I lost my temper in just a second...i made things very complicated so easily. it was very simple.
I want to have peaceful relations n conversations, it is simple theoretically, practically it is very very complicated, yet I made t possible. consequences are peaceful. am mentally happy.
At times, I try to be very harsh n strict, it is very complicated, practically it is difficult, yet i made it possible. consequences are so disgusting. am mentally agitated.
My work is so complicated, involved with risk. yet i make it simple n possible. but somewer in the corners of my brain n heart it pains me badly,,,there is pressure from inside n out.
i wanna
learn kick boxing/ dance/ swimming...to exhaust my energy...
to lie down on the floor like a dead body for a long time....to be off from the world,
to run run run.....tun away from all those who n what are following me and sucking my energy n spirit off...
to bang and break things and show my heights of frustration n anger...
i wanna do all the above ________ things because wen i'm simple n wen i'm being myself, ppl misunderstand me n piss me off. i just hate it and hate them and hate myself.
i wanna see my future in some magic tv/ sth n know my life is gonna b always like dis or wot, n to c if some ppl change or not, to see wot is going to happen.
am i losing patience? or i've just lost some energy/ my spirit completely vanished? wot the F is happening?
is life really a
one but fun
(a very lengthy post...get energy b4 u start to read)
he's the only one as of now and he's already my world. he makes me so happy and he's just awesome.
heya...am talking about my new special student. he's a 10 year old boy (dont want to reveal his condition, sorry).
my job though hectic n exhausting it's very exciting is full of fun. u c am with kids all the time and dat too spl kids. i'd like to share one those few funny incidents dat i come across almost evryday and evry minute with my student.
just go through the convo between me and my student. I'm naming him as M.
wot is the conclusion? wot interpretations??
have a look at another convo.
--------------------------------
wot is the conclusion? wot interpretations??
have a look at another convo.
---------------------------------------------
wot is the conclusion? wot interpretations??
one day his mum came to skool to c her child performing. the convo between mum n son is as follows.
------------------------
so our conversations are usually like dat. because i've started speech therapy, now he talks in 4-5 word sentences depending upon the mood.
but i never get pissed off with the conversations/ his doubts/ replies. i answer most of his "y's " with great patience.
in a day out of 100 replies 90 will be either 'ya! / y?'.
and his mum has cum to know abt this recently and i've requested her to ask Q's in which he has no scope to say ya!
after inquiring the hostel warden and his peers ...it is understood that this is child is fascinated with the way an american english teacher (here in the boys hostel )says 'ya!' over the fone and in direct talks/ convo's with ppl.
so M immitates his ya! he likes the way he says ya! and he likes to say ya! for woteva Q being asked.
lols...i was almost dead withe the way he used the word 'ya' with his mum i the above mentioned convo.
so everything with him and me at my workplace is enjoyable. after working with him restlessly...i dont really feel restless.
he's just 1 for me and am just 1 spl educator for him...but together v have loads of fun.
my spl ed lab....my establishment...
number wall, dart board (for eye-hand co-ordination)
white board, tiger, names (my student's his dad's and mum's) on the chart are smudged, magic colors, alphabet chart, line patterns chart. the child sits on a mat (on the floor) and writes on the charts(-set according to his siting ht )..his wish of writing on the wall will b fulfilled...\m/
counting leaves on a plant....as he learns more numbers... the plant grows..with more leaves
chalk painting on the floor
blind-fold used as a punishment tool and also for playing various games.
his free-hand drawings. he's gonna rock as he grows up....
2,3,5 reversals remedy by psychomotor training using painting technique.
he made these clay models with my help. just single instruction and verbal prompts. he's just amazing.
look at the boy standing beside the tree....it's him near the swimming pool it seems. outstanding imagination and expression. also u can see, a bird, flower, and a house n his cycle and car.
M...counting the beads and checking his answers. self monitoring.
joining dots ...for improving handwriting, better eye-hand co-ordination,etc etc
look at the way he filled the colors...a spl child and his talent in coloring with in the pic..woo. leaf with crayon and grapes with sketch pen. i wrote the comments and observations with pen...for my record work.
more next
hope u enjoyed.
cya.
he's the only one as of now and he's already my world. he makes me so happy and he's just awesome.
heya...am talking about my new special student. he's a 10 year old boy (dont want to reveal his condition, sorry).
my job though hectic n exhausting it's very exciting is full of fun. u c am with kids all the time and dat too spl kids. i'd like to share one those few funny incidents dat i come across almost evryday and evry minute with my student.
just go through the convo between me and my student. I'm naming him as M.
sans: Gudmorning M
M: gudmorning ma'am.
sans: how r u?
M: i'm fine thanq.
sans: so r u all set n ready for the day, and all new games and fun?
M: ya!
sans: oh great! then, shall we start?
M: ya!
sans: well, shall we start with yoga?
M: ya!
sans: alright, come. lets's practice yoga here.
M: ya!
(sans and M practice yoga and movement for 20 mins)
sans: are you feeling better now?
M: ya!
sans: ok baby! Shal we learn to write your name, now?
M: ya!
sans: good. now tell me the spelling.
M: ya!
sans: (after a minute)tell!
M: ya!
sans: ohh ook..then you forgot the spelling?
M: ya!
sans: shall i give you a clue?
M: ya!
sans: ok the clue is your name starts with M. now try to spell your name.
M: ya!
sans: :O, u dunno?
M: ya! :)
sans: :O :O
------------cut-----------------wot is the conclusion? wot interpretations??
have a look at another convo.
--------------------------------
sans: awe!. till now 've learnt to read and write your name. great. shall we now do some coloring?
M: ya!
sans: don't answer me 'ya' for everything. answer in full sentences/ atleast say yes ma'am. ok?
M: yes ma'am.
sans: (huh, thank god.) get your drawingbook, and colouring set.
M: yes ma'am. (goes and gets his colouring set n drawing set)
sans: shal we draw and color a car?
M: y?
sans: because u like cars! so.
M: y?
sans: u tell me y do u like cars?
M: y?
sans: :O oh gosh! am asking u a Q, u have to answer me,...in sentence.
M:y?
sans: M! do u understand english? or u wont me to talk to u in telugu/...?
M:y?
sans: don't u know y?
M: y?
---------------------cut----------------------wot is the conclusion? wot interpretations??
have a look at another convo.
---------------------------------------------
sans: great drawings. nice cars, nice fruits,everything is nice. now color them.what color r u planing?
M: yellow.
sans: great! start colouring.
M: ya!
sans: hmm yellow car. wot about the fruits?
M: yellow!
sans: again yellow?
M: ya!
sans: y again yellow?
M: ya!
sans: what is the colour of an apple?
M: red!
sans: awesome! u know wer red is?
M: ya!
sans: show me.
M: ya! (shows)
sans: wooo. den take it and colour the apple with red.
M: y?
sans: because apples are usually red in color or else green.
M: y?
sans: :O
----cut------wot is the conclusion? wot interpretations??
one day his mum came to skool to c her child performing. the convo between mum n son is as follows.
------------------------
mum:M!
M: amma!
mum: how r u. (ususally in telugu/ kannada)
M: i'm fine.
mum: how's the skool?
M: y?
mum: :O ??? (confused). is ur teacher beating u?
M: ya!
sans: (shocked with his reply( forgot his problem)) :O
mum: she beats u hard?
M: ya!
sans: (almost fainted)
mum: are you joking?
M:ya!
mum: are you speaking the truth?
M: ya!
mum: oh my god. u r saying 'ya!' for everything?
M: y?
mum: what?
M: y?
mum: :O (turns to sans :P )
-------cut------------- so our conversations are usually like dat. because i've started speech therapy, now he talks in 4-5 word sentences depending upon the mood.
but i never get pissed off with the conversations/ his doubts/ replies. i answer most of his "y's " with great patience.
in a day out of 100 replies 90 will be either 'ya! / y?'.
and his mum has cum to know abt this recently and i've requested her to ask Q's in which he has no scope to say ya!
after inquiring the hostel warden and his peers ...it is understood that this is child is fascinated with the way an american english teacher (here in the boys hostel )says 'ya!' over the fone and in direct talks/ convo's with ppl.
so M immitates his ya! he likes the way he says ya! and he likes to say ya! for woteva Q being asked.
lols...i was almost dead withe the way he used the word 'ya' with his mum i the above mentioned convo.
so everything with him and me at my workplace is enjoyable. after working with him restlessly...i dont really feel restless.
he's just 1 for me and am just 1 spl educator for him...but together v have loads of fun.
my spl ed lab....my establishment...
number wall, dart board (for eye-hand co-ordination)
white board, tiger, names (my student's his dad's and mum's) on the chart are smudged, magic colors, alphabet chart, line patterns chart. the child sits on a mat (on the floor) and writes on the charts(-set according to his siting ht )..his wish of writing on the wall will b fulfilled...\m/
counting leaves on a plant....as he learns more numbers... the plant grows..with more leaves
chalk painting on the floor
2,3,5 reversals remedy by psychomotor training using painting technique.
he made these clay models with my help. just single instruction and verbal prompts. he's just amazing.
look at the boy standing beside the tree....it's him near the swimming pool it seems. outstanding imagination and expression. also u can see, a bird, flower, and a house n his cycle and car.
M...counting the beads and checking his answers. self monitoring.
joining dots ...for improving handwriting, better eye-hand co-ordination,etc etc
look at the way he filled the colors...a spl child and his talent in coloring with in the pic..woo. leaf with crayon and grapes with sketch pen. i wrote the comments and observations with pen...for my record work.
more next
hope u enjoyed.
cya.
