updown girl

I got my results. remember.....I used to tell that at my collage i'm having F**king time?? work was hell, hell lot of assignments, records, bad food, no/less sleep, emotionally-physically-mentally exhausted i was last year. after having done with my final exams..i have been waiting (for 4 months 4 days) for my results very very desperately...results of those F times I had last year.
The result is 'I'm pregnant'. God Damn it 'I PASSED THE EXAMS WITH DISTINCTION' man... And i wanna scream my lungs out......'yes!!!!! I did it'. i'm feeling psychic. wanna bang the walls, break things in order to vent out the trauma i had to and i have experienced last year.

...and to quote, in the list of few very very important people who shared my efforts, hard times, hard work, n all most everything...include...my sis swats baby n trinath darling.

My dad and my friend Vamsi were dere to stabilize my emotions and _______ times.

I've not spoken to many ppl as i cud hardly find time than n slowly i lost in touch with many good frns for a quite some time. some understood and some cursed me for this. both I've accepted.

now guess what...after i got the results....I was only flying in the air....all in excited state and completely lost in touch with the ground. fully in euphoric mood and i enjoyed it thoroughly. u shd see the happiness in the face of mine. it was a reflection of the happiness. Happy's the child (i)n me. I've troubled, tortured it for an year. the world was all mine on 'Thursday evening'. Thanks to fani anna and renu akka for being with me and sharing my happiness, personally.

this success n happiness of mine have share holders..(:P)..my sis, trinath, vamsi, my dad, my classmate ravi, my lecturer shilpa ma'am. the deserve every bit of my happiness.

and this success of mine is dedicated fully to my mom. it's for her I've chosen to work hard and get the same result.
My student Hulk (as I call him) used to tell me that I'm like the ECG.....full of ups and downs and very frequently. Who said that he's dyslexic? Who said that he's a learning disabled child? ((my baby he is. He has read my mind so correctly. He has learnt to read people's mind from their behavior. what else do i/ u/ we want him/ any1 to read.'The mind' right?? "Read the mind! learn to read the mind" this is what goes around in mind, most of the time....this is what I teach my students. I improve the quality of my student's and my life using this mantra. reading n understanding self  'introspection'..is my highest priority. i follow it n tell how important it is to my students, to follow it.)) 

Hardly for  24 hrs my happiness and euphoric mood lasted. some1 killed the experiences of joy, the child (i)n me was having, very very badly. I'm unable to take it. it has hurt me emotionally and mentally. i'm badly disturbed. I cant ask god for anything. i'm feeling blank about my future. though have plans for career and professional life very clear, my action and reaction towards the person who disturbed are so obscure. i cant do anything or take any decision. that thought itself is pissing me off and taking my energy away and feel so very weak. i'm feeling as if i'm being haunted by something/ some1. i wanna seriously run away from it.

I have learnt that happiness doesn't last for a longer time and expect it to last for a longer time.
what has happened to me. my blogs first name was....'the happy princess', remember/ do u know dat? lovely and adorable were dose days. wer is that princess and wot happiness?
i'm looking for a wall to scribble...scribble my mind.....write and  read my mind.
i'm missing the 'real me'!
I'm struggling to balance the child (i)n me.god just help me do this...just in this, i need ur help.