projecting yet again...

I've been off recently due to some depression as per the previous post. but i dont have guts to kill myself n hence, i failed n come back like this n started projecting back n i know i will get depressed at the same rate. dats ok. it's d style/cycle of my life i think. strangely i dont remember the reason y i fall into depression everytime i come out of it. :P

i think i'm living for my kids n their parents. i've made difference in few families n helped them improve their quality of living.

I'm lacking the same. i want a person who is like me, who accepts me the way i'm, pamper me the way i do and love me the way i love. i want a family of friends and a friendly family who loves me n accepts me with no conditions. sounds selfish but that is how i feel.
dusting off my expectations,
ignoring my wants,
losing my self-esteem,
overlooking the hipocracy,
here i live like a dead meat,
a spiritless soul and a soulless body.
robotically i'm living,
heartlessly i'm behaving,
imprudently thinking,
ruthlessly i've been surviving,
endlessly pessimising,
like a wall i listen,
like a cloud i see
i like the lifeless life.
here i live and i still survive. i think of darwin..
yes he quoted me as in 'survival of the fittest'.

can someone answer these questions?
1) why is there life on the planet Earth?
2) why are families formed?
3) what is the need of crime?
4) why should a person continue to survive after being hurt?
5) what is the importance of caste system?
6) why parents sulk over their kids?
7) why is killing self is not so easy?
8) why can't some people accept their mistakes?
9) who will answer these type of questions?
10) how can person live peacefully without getting answers for these questions?
11) why do we have both brain n heart/ mind n feelings in the same body?
12) who is FML?
13) why is theory so different from practical?
14) when is world going to end?
15) where is heaven?
16) why i think 'why me' and why not 'why not me'?

sans sans sans

be the change you want to see...

I've always wanted bad and disgusting people to die asap. there is no point in having them on planet Earth 'coz it should be a place for and of good people.  I wanted a change as in death of people who are bad...ultimately it never happened, 'coz i'm no goddess/ black-witch  to curse people...

Today i have and been realized that i'm a bad person too...and I'm totally convinced.

I'm bad to and with my family, friends and colleagues. So I wish the change in me, in the same form. death! I've been looking through the sky in the evening.....for god's hands to be extended to pull me out of this life very desperately.. no hands appeared. I understand ...I must have been bad even to the god, even he doesn't want me. 

I feel like i'm stuck, badly, badly stuck on earth, stuck in between life and death, in between emotions and feelings, in between relations and balance, people and their expectations, in been hippocracy and practicality...i'm stuck in between love and responsibility, i'm stuck in between expression and outburst. i'm stuck and badly badly stuck.

Now i'm not looking for shoulders wer i can lean and went out my emotions..i'm now sincerely and desperately looking for the hands of god almighty. I accept and surrender. I  wanna be the change I wanted to see. I give up. 

 

entry's consequence is exit?!

addition of something into anything causes deletion of some other thing.
happens in life and relationships as well. yeah?
entry os some person causes exit of some others...deliberately or as a co-incidence
well, of late this has become quite evident and significant for my eyes. i must say some knind of strong per-occupation.
whomever i meet, wotever i listen/ talk...i have this weird feeling n i feel that this feeling of mine is not rare/unique for me. it happens for u all as well?

entry of jealous/envy/ ego/ anger etc causes xit of happiness/ satisfaction/ confidence/ contentedness etc.

entry of a new person like new friends/ lover/ bf/gf/ students/ colleagues/ clients/ etc causes exit of old friends/parents/ etc....

is this because our priorities change? aren't our priorities lie under our able control? do we really easily get controlled over by egos/ attitudes/ love life/ wife /husband  and let go other previously existing wonderful things n people?
is it some kind of uninstall n reinstall with an updated one n then later feel 'old is gold?'
hmmmmm....these kind of various unanswered questions still continue to wonder n exist in my mind, as always.

but i have a answer. it is not unavoidable. such frustrating, regretting, dementiating consequences and/ or antecedents ca defenitely be avoided/ managed.
a;; we gotcha do is accept n think before we act n react.
we have to say for ourselves that 'i want this to be done happily'..strong determination.

recently i was seeing a student of mine lying frequently n not opening up with her mother n teachers at all. not that she has LD, her family n teachers needed counseling...they are pre-occupied with a thought that this child is always wrong/ she will be at risk if she's given freedom to take independent decisions/ she can't/ etc.  then there are frequent arguments n for everything there is a drama at home. ultimately the child got pissed off n fed up . they made her so badly effected that she's got poorest levels of self-esteem, she never dares to speak truth as she knows that her truth has no value n a consequence to her truth there will be a big drama at home. so she either keeps quiet or lies to avoid drama. in this situation, the gal sees to be soo matured for me, she knows how to control parents behaviours n home atmosphere...huh? yeah! seriously, i felt the family is need of counseling.
why i was quoting this example is the entry of fear in child's mind that mom will scold has caused exit for her truthfulness.
it so happens with most of us. if i were in my students' place i wud do the same. ultinately like any normal individual i wud like to have peace at home practically n so i wud lie. smartness/ foolishness, call it as u want.

all i wanna convey is, entry causing exit can be managed if we know how to balance. balancing is nothing but accepting the changes practically. showing equality and being empathetic are wot i feel the whole life goes around.

Happy endings..
have a good night/ day ahead.
signing off
sans

otherwise and otherway round

parenting a difficult child........
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most disgusting, wrongly quoted, completely annoying statement often used as a fancy starter/header for many articles in news papers/journals/bulletins etc .

tell me is it just because that adults are rich in vocab and can make fancy quotes n statements (that are mostly paradox) or is it just that children cannot make such statements?

If I'm asked to make statements....in contrast to the above one..i'l b more than happy for this long awaited opportunity.

(okay!..now that no1 has asked..I'm taking the opportunity).

Most of the parents whoever come to me say that 'parenting a child is difficult and parenting a difficult child is impossible'. excuse me...can u or anyone define who a difficult child is?

It is bad to jump into conclusion that a child is difficult. We find it difficult to understand parenting..but it is never that parenting a difficult child is impossible/ challenge.

No child is difficult. It is we who find the difficulty because we have narrowed our mind and thoughts. We have to be open minded, open in the the ways of mind, thoughts and in understanding the child and ways n means to handle it. we have to be open by accepting the child as it is

children are cute and gifts of/for our own deeds(be positive), we have to enjoy every bit of it...

At times we feel that particular behaviors of a child is not acceptable. think y it is not acceptable. who said it is not n for what reasons. also think from the child's point of view why is the child behaving so. why is child unable to behave the way u'll accept.

with lots of scoldings, emotional dramas, fighting, punishment, struggle, training, counseling/ wotsoever..the child will one/ the other day behaves the way u wanted (so called acceptable bhvr). see..u dint let the child live the way he wanted..u made him  live the way u wanted. it means u lived his life. but then we claim that we have sacrificed a lot for kids...but in reality who is sacrificing? the kid..he cant raise his voice, tell how he feels like to anyone, so he'll keep quite or hardly cry for sometime. but ultimately  the child will listen to u. u won over the child. it is bad.

this is what is happening with everyone. I'm not taking about the kids n parents of just the present day but of the yester years as well. the kids of yester years are the adults/parents of today and tomorrow. life has to changed.
we have to change at first place. we have to accept our negavites and positives as well.  if i have ego problem..i accept it. if i throw attitudes i accept n i apologise if some1 is hurt. but if adults throw attitudes and show ego i donot expect them to apologise. instead i accept them by keeping quiet.

we have to accept..ourselves, others and the environment around us. the more narrow we make our mind...and thoughts..the less place we will be left to live.



there is life in being peaceful. the peace is with in us. it is called as 'manassanthi'--manas is with in us. we have to find peace(santhi) within us and keep it up. nobody should make/ break it. once we get that peace of mind.... we will learn to accept ppl and slowly ppl will accept us.

same applies in dealing the kids. we have to be calm.  we have to understand why are particular behaviors we are unable to accept. why is the chld gettig into that behavior. talk to the child. donot assume. donot do guess. talk to the child. donot shout/ scream. child would never ever open up. u have to respect the child. who likes to be screamed at? then how can a child accept your screams. since u haven't accepted the child the child will not accept you. simple.

so my point is when parents say/ talk about 'parenting a difficult child'
guess wot the child must be thinking of saying......it'll be other-way round...
'childing a difficult parent (who never understands and always lives my life and claims that we have sacrificed a lot for u)'

as parents we should not say that we have sacrificed a lot.... we have to sacrifice everything for kids.
just think and act accordingly.
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PS: I may not be a parent/ i may not have given birth to kids but i feel it when i train kids.
Also note: frustrations are directly proportional to our 'expectations'