waiting

am just waiting desperately for this weekend. am suffering and i wanna take a chill pil this saturday eveng.

but am getting the chill pills everyday unexpectedly and to my surprise. i'll tell u y n how....

in the mornings, in the bathrooms, while taking bath and on the roads while driving at 60kmph to the college...my wet eyes make me feel miss the rains. i've neva eva had this nervousness..'great tension' before going to exam hall. neva was so exhausted and worried. may be 'coz i was not into study things and i dint know the value of education n exams, earlier. of late.. things are changing n eventually even i'm. my practical exams have already started. i was thinking that i was highly overconfident abt my work and the attitude i possessed was wrong. but in the last two days things have happened to surprise me, to make me feel hopeful and to cheer me up. the external examiners are pretty impressed with my work and my attitude towards my field of work. that's made me correct my self that am not overconfident. my confidence is right and am going in a correct path. it's making me feel glad that genuineness pays. god sees the truth but waits. we reap what we sow. all these kinda things sound so true n real. 

in this connection i'd like to thank my lovely sis Swats (click to read her), my sweety mum, and most wonderful friend 3nath. they've helped me a lot in finishing my record work and in making materials for the final practical exams. i love 'em so much. I'm feeling that am fully into debts :P. i cant pay bak swats n 3nath in material or words to thank 'em for the timely support they've extended n still.

at the same time am feeling sad that once if my practicals r done, i'll not b teaching kids till the time i get a new job/ join a new course. i'll definitely find it impossible n difficult. n also know that i've to patient.

am waiting for the June n for this saturday  to come in a minute. i know ..am too much.

chalo guys..am signing off n c ya al soon.

let's all take care of ourselves....

bubye

sans's ...believe it or not!

Believe it or not..... *

*am really surprised...it's been a week...i mean a week passed so quickly...

*to tell u..i had F***ing week and a sucking weekend. yesterday since early morning 10:00am i was writing records. and i was writing till 2:00am  of next day..i.e, today in the midnight. i dint realize that it was 2am until my sis told me. the weekdays were so pathetic that i experienced all tensions and crisis. however, i reached all the targets and succeeded. 

*i'm greatly thankful to my frn 3nath darling who helped and tried to help me a lot. he's a sweetie pie. he's taken care of me and my laptop. 

*in my last post i 4got to mention that 1 of my best frns vamsi bought a car. it's an achievement for him, his family and to al of us. it's a real proud feeling. at this age he's bought a ford car. i know how hard he's working...and he's being paid (euphemism) for his efforts.

*am stopping to write this post abruptly to continue to write record n to brk the records.

Hav a nice time frns...

cya.

sans

quick updates

Following are the recent happenings wrt to sans.

1. Sans is looking fwd to see May 1st week asap. 'coz sans's gonna finish her education and can come out of the shitty place and ppl around der.

2. Sans is busy writing records, completing assignments and is getting ready for the final exams.

3. Sans is out of the hell (hostel) and is having rice n roti (instead of the messy mess food=grass@hostel) with sis swats.

4. Sans (u can call me an ignorant soul) is seriously searching for him every moment and everywer. sans was told that he's omnipresent but is unable to find him and missing his presence v badly. he's admired and followed by sans. He's the God. God-Almighty.

5. Sans has taken a critical decision about higher education. sans is not gonna go to college anymore, no more exams, no record writing, no lecturers, no peer pressures, no tensions, no ******* ppl. If at all sans wanna higher studies, she'll opt to do it in a distance mode.

6. Sans has started hunting for a job as a special educator &/ or as a remedial teacher.

7. Sans has lost lots of weight. now her ht : wt = 5'10" : 45kg. yeah malnourished. lols :P

8. Sans is slowly becoming beauty conscious these days. paying attention to skin, hair, eyes etc. (feeling lil strange).

9. Sans watched 'teen patti' and got badly affected 'dimaag ki batti'. looking fwd to c MNIK if time permits, sometime in the next week.

10. Sans is finding it difficult yet making it possible to hold her temper, keep herself balanced emotionally and mentally.

11. Sans got her bajaj spirit (i call it GK) repaired. after so many years it's now got brakes and a silencer. so having a safe & peaceful drive. but sans lost those thrilling and adventurous drives( on a bike without brakes & horn)on flyovers while competing with guys riding bikes like cbz, pulsar, karizma etc. buhuhu...

12. Sans wants to become happy princess again. u know wot...??sans blog was initially named 'the happy princess'..but slowly wen she was losing her smile n happiness, her blog name was also changed to the 'MRI report of a child's mind' n then to the present one....'the child (i)n me'. god knows wot it's gonna b in future.

13. Sans is fighting silently. gud luck sans.

14. Sans had a leisure Sunday today.

15. Sans is winding up now, to continue record writing. :P

C ya again......
bye n take care.
enjoi madi. \m/

Life's beautiful...

Empathy not sympathy

I'm badly upset with the way few insensitive and immature regular school teachers act and deal children with special needs. in regular schools children with special needs include slow learners, emotionally and behaviorally disturbed, mildly mentally retarded and learning disabled. all of them have low self esteem and low confidence. they are scholastically backward because of problems in cognition, memory, perception etc, yet they try their best to cope up with their peers.
it's the 'teacher' who plays an important role in every child's life...raising confidence and self esteem, motivating and inspiring caring and loving. a teacher has to be empathetic. accept the child as it is.
i've been hating teachers since my childhood for their insensitivity. some of them are very rude..they are like Kroor Singh from Chandrakantha serial. yes there few teachers like that. hell with them. i dont have respect for them. they aren't teacher and not even humans. slowly i was loosing that hatred towards them. but time is making me to hate them everytime am trying not to.
there are certain ethics and confidentiality that are to be maintained by the teachers when they deal with students, regular or otherwise. some teachers forget and cross their limits. ignorance / immaturity? foolish/ idiotic?
i appreciate if a teacher takes initiative, to talk to class students to co-operate with a child having special needs. but it has to be done carefully becoz it's sensitive issue. if he straight away goes and tells 'one of ur classmate is having psycho problem, u show him notes.' just imagine what wrong message it's gonna convey? and how painful it must be on that child's part if it happens in his presence. another painful event is that the child is from pre-primary..hardly 8yrs. that teacher actually dint help but worsened the condition of the child. may be he dint realise that he has almost killed the child spirit. how ignorant and foolish?
it's a tough time for the parents, special educator and psychologists dealing this child. as i told in one of my previous posts about A-B-C(click on it to see it) of behavior modification technique. we came to know that this has happened to the child from the child himself wen we asked him why he's stealing his own and his classmates stuff and hiding them and lying, cooking stories.
*antecedent is teachers step, caused-insult to the child
*behavior- frustration and agony.
*consequence-dunno whom to tell and how to take revenge, vent out anger. so-stealing and lying.
the thief and liar in the child is not inborn but made. made by the teacher.

i hate to be a teacher. am a special educator. am gonna become 'the special educator'. i'll work hard and support all the students till the time this type of teachers exist on the planet earth. when they are extinct..world will be sans of sans. so they keep me alive forever.

One has to be empathetic. children have to be viewed from their point of view. they need empathy not sympathy. provide opportunities for excellence, sympathy is static and wont bear fruits. empathy is dynamic.

Hey, children! here i am, am here for u. no worries.

Heyyyyy, Happy Bday !!

I just wonder who's got patents for the 'Happy B'day ' song? Who wrote it and composed the music? too gud man! It's something very magical n lovely. It's something meaningful and so sweet. It's purposeful and occasional.

I think everyday it's sung for many people by so many people. Is it the 'most sung' song? no other prayer/ song/ poem is used as much as it is.

i live in campus hostel and i listen to this song so often. i feel so gud. this song makes evry1 around...(the singers, listeners and the one to whom it's being sung)to cheer up.

The strange and interesting part is wen i along with my frn raj, sing this together for 'us'., it sounds so gud. :) . we both share our bday. in case if i happen to wish him 1st n say 'happy bday', he simply says 'thanku, same2u'. In case if he happens to wish me first, i tell him 'same2u'. i feel so gud to share my bday. ofcourse bdays are spl, yet i liked it wen i learnt that raj's also born on the same day( ....a decade before).

Well coming back to the happy bday song, i've heard so many bday songs online but none cud beat the routine yet the best bday song that we all usually sing on bdays. i wud love to sing the same song for the song itself if i know the date. :P hehe.

happy bday all of u..advanced/ belated/ timely...(now am leaving it to u). :P lols

c ya soon.

on silent mode

' Wont u get tired of talking?', 'Alltime Talking Machine', 'chatter box', 'walkie talkie', etc were the statements/ labels/ compliments that i received from my near and dear ones, once upon a time. Of late am receiving comments like 'wont u get tired of  being silent?', 'Silent Maker Sans' etc. u think i've changed or the way ppl looking at me has changed?

i've changed and i've been changing for the last 1.5yrs and i'l have to change loads. i've learnt to listen and learn more. i've learnt that 'b4 v become a gud speaker, v have to b a gud listener too'. my experiences are my teachers. in the last 2 days i've learnt loads. thanks a whole lot of bunch to the BAD Time am having. i've learnt to be strong, bold, brave, confident, proud, silent, careful, behold, patient enough, courageous , careful etc. i've learnt abt ppl who are around me...the faces that i see- the minds that i failed 2 read, the behaviors that weren't expressed b4-the intentions behind. so much more to learn. i'm learning to fight!! fight n chase the fate n time. i've gottu learn-unlearn-relearn abt ppl. the way am changing, i notice few ppl around me also have changed and may change more. i've to be prepared, pretend & predict as well.

Latest thing that i've learnt is that nothing &/or no1 is permanent, be it a material/  intensity of a relationship/ a relationship itself and hence, i cant take even few things n/or ppl for granted. Though i'm finding it difficult to learn and face, it's gud. it is gud becoz am learning. i'm enjoying and i know that i've to. Am also learning to be alone and stand on my own feet implies---being independent, not depend upon/  wait / look for a friends shoulder to vent out my agony and to cheer up. i've learnt that sometimes i've to say a big cheers to myself. Time is the hero and my fate is the villain and am the victim. on 1side I'm feeling glad that it's better late than never that am learning these things,  on the otherside the child in me feels that it's too early for me to learn. both are right, right?

I've learnt that i needn't have to express all my feelings and emotions, out of which few have to be understood by the opposite person to whom i wanna express. i've learnt to be SILENT and finding it great. finally am doing justice to my name. Om sHanti oM! \m/