be the change you want to see...

I've always wanted bad and disgusting people to die asap. there is no point in having them on planet Earth 'coz it should be a place for and of good people.  I wanted a change as in death of people who are bad...ultimately it never happened, 'coz i'm no goddess/ black-witch  to curse people...

Today i have and been realized that i'm a bad person too...and I'm totally convinced.

I'm bad to and with my family, friends and colleagues. So I wish the change in me, in the same form. death! I've been looking through the sky in the evening.....for god's hands to be extended to pull me out of this life very desperately.. no hands appeared. I understand ...I must have been bad even to the god, even he doesn't want me. 

I feel like i'm stuck, badly, badly stuck on earth, stuck in between life and death, in between emotions and feelings, in between relations and balance, people and their expectations, in been hippocracy and practicality...i'm stuck in between love and responsibility, i'm stuck in between expression and outburst. i'm stuck and badly badly stuck.

Now i'm not looking for shoulders wer i can lean and went out my emotions..i'm now sincerely and desperately looking for the hands of god almighty. I accept and surrender. I  wanna be the change I wanted to see. I give up.