Check my vital signs

........I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up when everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone..........

to tell u, I have never counted the number of times i felt that these lyrics are about me.
How can there be such a co-incidence?huh....unanswered q.
yeah,, am still alive..
all these days i was just with students all around me during the day time. dont ask me about the evenings and night. the above mentioned say it all.
but for the last 5 days, it's not so. I'm amidst of medicines, fruits, 'take-care/ get well soon' calls, love and concern. (yet there are few instances that killed me for falling sick that too weakness. huh...keep them aside.)
on day-1 doc said it's low bp. so i maintained my diet n living habits to bring my bp to normal. even after 3 days same condition continues. i'm pissed off. changed the doc n changed the medication. after 2days, today i feel the same weakness. but second time doc said the bp is normal but the weakness can be due to gastro and asked me to reduce or stop eating spicy food. ahhh! among the readers who know me personally would laugh at it and cal it a 'gone case'. I DO NOT EAT SPICY FOOD at all. :) i understood that the doc is just some1 to be ignored. but am still unable to rule-out the reason behind this extreme weakness. 

however, psychologically i feel better if students are around me. i thought of taking classes from today. but the parents of my students who are sweeter than sugar have asked me to rest and said that they'll bring me food and asked me not to cook. however, i gave them 2 options, if they are so keen to bring me food from 12 kms far then they shd also bring their children for the class or else no student no food. so sweet of them they brought me lunch and breakfast in the first two days and 2 of them took me to doctors on 2 different days. they felt the emergency and responded in time. in a day i get calls from my students all the 3 times just to check if i had food or not. wot else can fill me with joy and happiness. i feel so content about myself and my job. they (students and their parents) are like my friends. when in need, they were with me in-deed.
 
today evening am gonna check with another doc...and i call it my final trial to rule-out the reason behind this f***ingly extreme weakness. symptoms are: blackout, extreme weakness, giddiness, feel as if am gonna faint and sit down on floor, feel as if my nose bleeds but actually it doesn't, headache all over especially more on backside, sometimes wet palm and feet, blackouts while changing position to stand-sit-sleep.
am having adequate sleep, enough fruits and food, ample water for the last 4-5days. even medicines for 2 days. yet there is no improvement. it cannot be sun-stroke for 2 reasons, i haven't been exposed to sun of late and there is no sun in Bangalore, it's been raining. also it's not extreme stress coz i take 2-3 hrs gap in between after lunch. then wtf is it?   

 

i hope from tomorrow i resume my classes and back to normal.
(good news: i wrote the spelling tomorrow without the help of dictionary and spell-check. yeppie i got it. tom/or/row).

infections....

i think my immune system is not working properly. i used to be very strong n always used to feel proud of myself...my health especially. it's not the same. these days am easily getting prone to highly infectious stuff like various habits, musings etc.
the hit list is as follows.
My sis swats always hated cooking and now that she's married she's into a lot of 'cooking with love' (previously cooking with stove :P) for her lovely husband. she's even started a blog on her kitchen experiments. i started admiring how she has changed and out of it came inspiration n even i've started cooking n slowly experimenting. luckily my clinic starts afternoon n hence, i get time to cook leisurely in the mornings, n in the evenings i cook leisurely yet again coz i dont have a television n hence, i have a lot of time. in addition, ive learnt to cook quickly, say in about 40 mins i cook 4 dishes (just for me :P), earlier i used to take solid 2hrs. hehehe...
so this enjoyment while cooking came as an infection to me from my sis.

another strange infection i got is KIRKET...yeah u read it right, it's CRICKET only. this has come to me from my student. to make him study, i tempted him that i'll update him with the score by checking it on the internet, i developed this curiosity to know the score n slowly the intrest. cricket is slowly infecting me as well.

a cousin of my is very good in planning strategically, implementation/ execution, improving the plans/ schemes, business etc. he's steadfast. my friends used to always tell me (few of them have mentioned in slam books as well) that am steadfast and my planning is sooooper. but wen i see my cousin i feel that am nothing  infront of him, and i learn a lot. his speed, planning, dealing, business tactics, etc are infecting me.

there are few other bad habits that have lately started infecting me. shame on me, i knew that they are infecting me yet i kept quiet and enjoyed n then i realized that i did all that just to fool myself. dumb me.

yet another very significant part of this infectious story is that i've started drinking water.....................
(ending this post abruptly for i gottu drink some water... c u in the next post)

clolurs of life

what's your fav colour? do you hate any color? what are positive colors and what are negative colors? what are positive? can we discriminate colors as good and bad as well? if yes then how and why?

these were few questions that went around in my mind on the very day of holi and before and after that. i never shared it with any1, yet i've been observing ppls likings and dislikings towards various colors.i always wonder y black is treated as a negative color by many elders? what mistake/wrong has it done? how can wearing/ carrying a black color to a sacred function/ritual/gathering would effect the happenings? why Hindus prefer Red and Yellow (and some saffron), why Muslims prefer Green and why Christians prefer Whites? How are the influencing ppls minds? Why doctors say green color (earlier) and blue color (now) have curative effects? How are the differences formed?

Once I was observing a child's behaviour and reaction to a particular stimulus, for the same stimulus yet another child responded differently (both have same condition with little variations). Later in the Pychology class I learnt that perceptions vary greatly. and in child psychiatry class I learnt about beliefs.

and now when I recollect above mentioned three instances...what I understand (or rather perceive) is that we believe that colors are different. I think what i perceive a color may be different for others. For example I like pink color and do not like blue color. may be the same color (pink) you see it as blue and think that u like blue and see the other color (blue for me) and think that it's is pink. we both actually like and dislike same colors, name them differently. to simplify it, if we both see a same color and call it commonly as orange (for example) but what we see is different actually..that differences in actual perception causes likings and dislikings. (still sounds complicated, eh??)ok leave it!!

well woteva color be it, i like almost all the colors, and for me i treat all the colors equally, that is no single color can be called as a good/bad. only thing is not all colours suit to all contexts. for me colors are equal to children.some are dark colors and some others are light colors yet all are colors, similarly some children are easy and some are difficult yet all are children. like how few colors look grt in few contexts and some others look horrible but for that we can not cal it as a wrong color. children exel in few ares and find difficult in some other areas and hence for that we can not call them as failures.

when i see ppl discriminating colors which are abstract, i'm afraid, how much discrimination they must be showing towards ppl n children.

there is a close relationship between colors, children and me.......

definitely all are different but treat them equally for what they are n have. accepting is what all that matters.

for me everyday is a holi-day, i play a lot with colors n children. yeah, it's fun.
Hope you had a grt holi on holi day.
c u in the next post! tc!

slapster

I always had this in my mind.
there are various laws and acts for men n women who harass each other for various reasons, n for adults who abuse children. now tell me is there any law/ act against parents who fight/ argue/ quarrel  infront of their own/ other children?
I was discussing the same with few of my friends separately. i got different answers, some said children have to bare it n that  is wot it means as 'survival of the fittest.' kya? kuch race chal rahi hai kya? y shd children bare all this tamasha?

another frn said there shd be a law/ monetary fine. wot fine? they'll pay money n fight again. children actually paying for it. 
y am i so concerned abt this?? i've seen n seeing cases almost everyday of children at risk of/having learning disabilities & / or behavior problems. behavior problems are increasing in an alarming number coz the parents have lost the traditional values n morals. earlier it was a joint family tradition, n ppl used to b around to help solve/ resolve the probs, n for children cousins n sibs to help them cope.
now the scene completely diff. nuclear family n single child. damn it. i highly discourage this.
i understand, it causes inconvenience and loss of privacy in case of joint families. but studies n my personal experiences show that there are more number of cases recorded of children from nuclear families, having probs n difficulties in learning n behaviors.

i tell u, those who can adjust to a joint family culture are the once we've to call 'survival of the fittest'. A student of mine comes from a joint family, his IQ was 52 when I've started working with him. his family is made of 16 ppl including children. if he's from a nuclear family , his IQ wud have been somewer near 40. I truly appreciate the co-operation that i get from his family members. They are agriculturalists and are very very well off family. his parents are down to earth. they discuss among themselves and with other members of their joint family, to take any kind of decision about that child. this child hence likes his home more than school.

in another cases a gal and 2 boys (all my students) like to be in school as they are scared to go back home especially wen their dad comes back home 'coz the drama time begins.
I thought of asking the children 'wot do u want to do to ur  parents wen they fight/ quarrel infront of u'....but then i thought i'll be adding to their frustration n giving them a hint of having revengeful attitude. so i dint do dat. next time wen i sit for counseling, i'll ask the parents only. damn it. such parents suck with their high headed attitudes n ego. their children r worst victims.

i learnt even from few of my frns that even they had a bad childhood coz of their parents who always fought infront of them, n they felt like running away from home. some told that they used to brk things, some used to  lock themselves in the bathroom, some used to smoke n drink, some came back home late in the night just to sleep. what are all these??? various probs in behaviors! who suffered? only answer: children. who had fun? only answer : parents!..coz they fought n later to console each other they do romance and other shitty *ex life. for them aaal izzz wellll after that, till next fight. some nuts even get divorced- worsening the condition of the child. Such parents F**k each other physically and the child mentally.

i think ppl with high headed attitudes and ego shdn't get married. wanna have fun? go on a date/ have a safe sex life. marriage is not the solution/ ultimate destination. such ppl get married which according to me is not a productive but a reproductive idea, and consequently they fight and argue. their elders suggest them to have kids and start family so that things n issues wil get settled. it's a myth. things will get worsened if ppl are not mature enough to understand the fact that wen they cant solve their issues by themselves, how can a new born child do it for them? of course care n concern, love n affection for the child will be there initially, but they take the child for granted after sometime and that so called love- care- concern etc etc will be gradually fade out. the reality show begins again. sadly it begins wen the child reaches to 1-5 grades which is a crucial stages of learning. hence such situations at home truly contribute in learning but bad behaviors.

if i were given a chance I don't waste time in creating any law/ giving suggestion/counseling parents. just give a chance/ superpower to the child to slap n bash his/her parents off n spit on their bloody faces. nothing wrong i believe.

life after death??? a Q.

I was feeling very weird and freakish today. i was thinking of something and then I got few points and which gave me a vague answers to the biggest question ever....'is there a life after the death?'.

when we lose our frnds, hope and all other positive factors in life, the spirit in us dies. then life becomes miserable, some get into depression, some become revengeful/psychos and some others rejuvenate and start life afresh with new ambitions/goals/mottoes/principles etc. this is also a life after the death...death of the spirit. even if the body is in condition/not the spirit is dead n there is a life after the death of that spirit, irrespective of positive/ negative consequences/reactions.

same way when a person dies(the body)....the soul reacts similarly like that of the spirit. if it's the soul of a psycho..may be it becomes a ghost n troubles others n lives happily at the cost of its victim's sadness, or a good spirited soul takes a rebirth n leads a life afresh, some souls rest in peace. 

so there's a life after the death i think.

wot interpretation??? i think...'life is all about the SPIRIT n the SOUL'

BEAUTIFUL

Gimme tips to look beautiful. 

of(f) cinemas

wen i came to blr, in the early days i used to watch 3 movies a week...friday, saturday n sunday...if not 3 2 atleast. during those days, movies were not so good, i dint have interest as well. but i used to watch coz of my cousin bro n frns over here. it was fun n watching movie was like fun making. we used to crack jokes on all kindsa scenes n came out of theatres with unending laughter n stomach pain coz of it.

now i have interest, but no one to accompany, if company is available then no tkts. so i thought leave aside big cinemas, pvr, inox al al that big screen stuff n go hunt roadside small theatres. yes we did n we got tkts n assumed myself to be lucky, even if we're late to movie by 15mins. poor me n my intelligentsia. movie was so so bad....then i thought it was not me who is lucky, but it's the ppl who dint even give a damn thought to watch it. i shd have got the clue that the movie must b horrible wen the tkts were available at the counter even after 15 mins the show has started. cha! i watched that movie for less than 1 times.....yeah u are ryt, i walked out of the theatre.  

last such horrible movie was 'anaga anaga oka dheerudu' by disney...a telugu fantasy. in this film, hero siddharth looses his eye-sight, yet he can win the sword-fight using his hearing skills. he had to find the route to the villain's den to help escape the heroine and a superpower kid. but how???? ask me....but dont curse me. he finds the route with the help of a butterfly which he follows by listening to the sounds made by its fluttering wings . gghhhhhhrrrrr........baaaahhhhhh..........another such scene is with his sword he cuts the water drop into pieces/ droplets falling from the roof hearing the sound. tell me now, am i losing hearing capacity/ i dont know the fact that a falling water drop makes a sound through out it's path...ie from the roof till it reaches the floor??? :O

now tell me how can i get motivation to go, watch movies again?