The F Machines

I'm writing this post in a really very very frustrated and agitated mood. i'm angry. when in angry we shouldn't take any decisions it seems. my foot.
am hating all men. men are all so disgusting. men make women happy. more than happy, they disappoint.
men are selfish and not really transparent. they say that they are clear about what they are doing, but actually aren't. they want to play a safe game all the time,,,no matter what pain women gets out of that. so selfish haan?
i'm writing this kinda post for the first time. ppl will try to comment, i'm blocking it, yet they try to send anonymous comments thru some how, coz they cant take truths and facts wen told publicly like this.
Men are machines. they are mechanical and robots. they are F machines. they F women, children, older ppl...physically, mentally and emotionally. they dont have hearts. they only use their minds and hence are insensitive. they dont know what is meant by being empathetic. they cant understand a women. men sometimes understand so badly that the reaction will be quite opposite to our expectations.
y are men like this? they disturb us so badly and say that we r sensitive n v have to b strong. how long a woman has to compromise and sacrifice? women are (still) in vulnerable state?

there's a storm in my head

it's dusshera vacation. 7th-17th holidays for skool (solid 11 days), yuppieeeeee
it's so good that i got 10days of time...i have plans of my own...
i desperately wana go to vizag. i wana spend time with those kids (atleast few hours) at shanti ashram. dont i deserve it...? or dont dey deserve my presence? wot is it? am not getting a chance to c them. earlier i dint have time to go, now i have time but no chance. i'm struck with some unexplainable commitments, i hate it.
am home, doing absolutely nothing.am only wasting time. am i resting? no am not resting, i dont need rest, i took rest yesterday. i wana go, but i cant. then wot the heck am i doing over here, sitting idle at home?
my plans of doing a workshop are in progress, ppl want me der, my presence is deir confidence. but look at the beauty...am idling at home. i wana go but cant. i cant.huh. so very disgusting.
in another day or two i'll be leaving to my sister at hyd. she'll be going to ofice, again i'll be idling der. body present mind absent. my mind, heart, soul are in vizag. every movement of mine tells me n reminds me of the kids, whom i'm missing terribly.
there's a storm in my head. i haven't seen dem for ages. der are very few ppl in the lives of those kids who think of them like this, and dose kids wait for them. making them wait for so long is not at all fair on my part. i'll be surely cursed by the god for disappointing those kids.
god save me n those kids..

who is it?

1) who has taken my last 3 months?
i can see the results of my efforts, success stories, yet there is something / some1 terribly missing. who is it?

2) someone is touching my heart every now n then. most of my goals are accomplished without much efforts/ brainstorming. some1 must be getting help from somebody else. who is it?

3) he is awesome n he's my baby. he makes the child (i)n me happy. i wonder why and who is it?

4) i'm feeling as if some1 is guarding n nurturing me. who is it?

5) I listen to the morning school prayer, n feel the infinite pleasure, courage, spirit and motivation. the writer of the prayer is awesome. this prayer song makes me truly feel the love of god. who is he?

6) at times i get confused and mess things up because of some invisible person..who is it?

quick bits

Quick updates:

1) biggest news and achievement...sans scored Rank-3 in the college. It is a big news for me. it's not sinking in. I neva worked/ studied for a rank. it has come to me as a shock. I dint get any info regarding the percentage but the only news i got was that i got distinction n rank-3.
it's a proud n inspiring moment for me and for the "ppl of my type".

2) my student is a lovely child. i often tell him that u shd try and u'll get it. recently he has learnt to read words by blending. ...yet another shock for me. and to my surprise he's talking in sentences and now tells me 'ma'am, am trying ma'am. Ma'am i got it ma'am.' He is MY BABY.

3) another new student (LD) (with just a month's work with him)has shown a lot of improvement, and the way teacher's put such surprising and wondering expressions is reinforcing me. \m/ I'M a Rockstar and so are My students.

4) my first baby..about whom,,,i have written in many of my previous blogs...is missing me terribly and has expressed this to me. it's such a sweet thing i've heard from him. I Miss u too dear hulk baby.

5) sans has become extremely busy with hand full of students and in training n orienting teachers in the school. the best part of it all the teachers received it positively and are willing to extend full support to help children with spl educational needs.

6) has got so many project proposals in mind n hence is craving badly for time. pls pray god..that i need atleast 30-24 hrs per day and 10-15 days per week. i need equal number of weekdays and weekends.

7) hithakarini-2 (workshop)is coming up into shape and is expected to take place in the 2nd/ 3rd week of october at vizag's shanti ashram. i'm missing those kids. they must have grown tall and must have matured a lot. longing to see them soon. they are very important for me, i must say that they've laid a foundation stone in my career n confidence.

8) as of now i havent fallen into depression in the recent past n neither i got into euphoric mood even after listening to big shocking news....i'm trying to balance my emotions, i'm learning it.

9) am feeling strange....mujhe ajeeb sa lag rag raha hai. dunno y.

10) I badly couldn't but desperately wanted to throw a lavish party on aug-26th, some1 spl's bday. wish that spl person a very very happy bday and many more years to come with joy and maturity.

hold on...

I wanted to write this post when i joined the special education course ie 15 months back. but cunt write n post, 'coz i was n i'm unable to understand n predict reader's reaxn. but I lately realized that there is more meaning in conveying the msg &/ or info than considering the rxn. hence, am taking this initiative with an optimistic view.

We seldom use several words to curse ppl, to tease frns, to make fun n to describe others. we use words like, dumb fella, u blind, u retarded etc. but we hardly realize n understand wot impact it makes on others who are listening to our conversation (the third person). we misuse words sometimes knowingly n some other times unknowingly.

Following are the words with their meanings/ definitions which we need to know before we use them.

Health: Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

Disease: A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.

Illness: An instance of a disease; A person's perception of having poor health; A state of having bad health

Impairment: Impairment is any loss or abnormality of psychological, physiological or anatomical structure or function. 

Disability: A disability is any restriction or lack (resulting from an impairment) of ability to perform an activity in the manner or within the range considered normal for a human being.

Handicap: A handicap is a disadvantage for a given individual, resulting from an impairment or disability that limits or prevents the fulfillment of a role that is normal (depending on age, sex and social and cultural factors) for that individual.

(Definition according to Persons with Disabilities (Equal Opportunities, Protection Of Rights And Full Participation) Act, 1995 Disability means - Blindness, Low vision, Leprosy cured, Hearing impairment, Mental retardation, Mental illness.) Person with disability (PwD) means a person suffering from not less than forty percent of any disability as certified by a medical authority.  Visual impairment :(previously known as Blindness, which is now not accepted) It refers to a condition where a person suffers from any of the following conditions, namely -  Total absence of sight; or  Visual acuity not exceeding 6/60 or 20/200 (Snellen) in the better eye with correcting lenses; or  Limitation of the field of vision subtending an angle of 20 degrees or worse. Person with low vision:  It means a person with impairment of visual functioning even after treatment or standard refractive correction but who uses or is potentially capable of using vision for the planning or execution of appropriate assisitive device. Cerebral Palsy: means a group of non-progressive conditions of a person characterized by abnormal motor control posture resulting from brain insult or injuries occurring in the pre-natal, peri-natal or infant period of development. Hearing impairment: (previously known as 'deaf' which is now not accepted) means loss of sixty decibels or more in the better ear in the conversational range of frequencies. Leprosy cured person: means any person who has been cured of leprosy but is suffering from  loss of sensation in hands or feet as well as loss of sensation and paresis in the eye and eye-lid but with no manifest deformity; manifest deformity and paresis but having sufficient mobility in their hands and feet to enable them to engage in normal economic activity ;  extreme physical deformity as well as advanced age which prevent him from undertaking any gainful occupation, and the expression leprosy cured shall be construed accordingly. Locomotor disability: means disability of the bones, joints or muscles leading to substantial restriction of the movement of the limbs or any form of cerebral palsy. Intellectual Disability: ( previously known as Mental retardation, which is now not accepted) Intellectual disability is a disability characterized by significant limitations both in intellectual functioning and in adaptive behavior, which covers many everyday social and practical skills. This disability originates before the age of 18. Mild retardation IQ - 50 - 9 Moderate retardation IQ - 35 - 49 Severe retardation IQ - 20 - 34 Profound retardation IQ under 20 Mental illness:  means any mental disorder other than intellectual disability (mental retardation).

Psychosis: It means abnormal condition of the mind, and is a generic psychiatric term for a mental state often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality".

Neurosis: It is a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations, whereby behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms.

Hallucination: A hallucination is defined as sensory perception in the absence of external stimuli.

Illusion: It is a distortion of the senses, revealing how the brain normally organizes and interprets sensory stimulation.

Delusion: A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness. (An erroneous perception of reality. synonyms: misconception, misbelief)

Learning disability: It refers to a variety of disorders that affect the acquisition, retention, understanding, organization or use of verbal and/or non-verbal information.

Dyslexia: An impairment in the brain's processing of information that results in difficulty reading, spelling, writing, and related language skills.

Dysgraphia: It is a deficiency in the ability to write, regardless of the ability to read.

Dyscalculia: It is a specific learning disability or difficulty involving innate difficulty in learning or comprehending mathematics.

Slow learners: Slow-learners are those who fail in school because of their ‘low intellectual’ abilities. 

So....dear readers pls pass on this msg...not this lengthy essay but the essence of it..
let us be cautious n control our tongues b4 we utter even a single small word...if not for us at least for all the persons belonging to the above mentioned conditions.
It is a mark of respect....we need not have to out to orfanages/oldage/ destitute homes, just give them a thought...little respect, concern n care, in terms of our expressions.


god bless all of us.
sans

i'm in love with u...

I am in Love I am in Love I am in Love with u

kannulalO daachina kaavyamE nuvvu
kaaveri kadilite mEghaalu urimite manasulO nuvvE
aa ningi karigite ee nEla chErina chinukuve nuvvE
gunDelO chiru kalavaram
tolisaarigaa nuvve
arpitam ee jeevitam
ninu chEraDam korakE

kOTi kalalanu gunDelOtulu daachi unchina nEstama
veyyi alaluga ninnu chEraga kadulutunna praaNama
vennellO gOdaari nuvvEna vayyari
nee neeti chukkai pOvaali
navvETi singaali
velloddu cheyyjaari
ninu chEri murisipOvaali
chiguraaku nuvvai
chirujallu nEnai
ninnu nEnu chErukunTe haayi
ninnu nEnu chErukunTe haayi

neevu yeduruga nilachi unDaga
maaTa daaTadu pedavini
nannu mRuduvuga nuvvu taakaga, madhuvu SOkenu manasuni
nee chenta chEraali
swargaannE chooDaali
nE neelO ninDipOvaali
nee kanTi choopullO
nee prEma vaanalO
niluvella nEnE taDavaali
naalOni prEma
yEnaaTikaina neeke ankitamavvani
neeke ankitamavvani 

PS: I'm in love with u..always

Movie: Sathyam

Language: Telugu

updown girl

I got my results. remember.....I used to tell that at my collage i'm having F**king time?? work was hell, hell lot of assignments, records, bad food, no/less sleep, emotionally-physically-mentally exhausted i was last year. after having done with my final exams..i have been waiting (for 4 months 4 days) for my results very very desperately...results of those F times I had last year.
The result is 'I'm pregnant'. God Damn it 'I PASSED THE EXAMS WITH DISTINCTION' man... And i wanna scream my lungs out......'yes!!!!! I did it'. i'm feeling psychic. wanna bang the walls, break things in order to vent out the trauma i had to and i have experienced last year.

...and to quote, in the list of few very very important people who shared my efforts, hard times, hard work, n all most everything...include...my sis swats baby n trinath darling.

My dad and my friend Vamsi were dere to stabilize my emotions and _______ times.

I've not spoken to many ppl as i cud hardly find time than n slowly i lost in touch with many good frns for a quite some time. some understood and some cursed me for this. both I've accepted.

now guess what...after i got the results....I was only flying in the air....all in excited state and completely lost in touch with the ground. fully in euphoric mood and i enjoyed it thoroughly. u shd see the happiness in the face of mine. it was a reflection of the happiness. Happy's the child (i)n me. I've troubled, tortured it for an year. the world was all mine on 'Thursday evening'. Thanks to fani anna and renu akka for being with me and sharing my happiness, personally.

this success n happiness of mine have share holders..(:P)..my sis, trinath, vamsi, my dad, my classmate ravi, my lecturer shilpa ma'am. the deserve every bit of my happiness.

and this success of mine is dedicated fully to my mom. it's for her I've chosen to work hard and get the same result.
My student Hulk (as I call him) used to tell me that I'm like the ECG.....full of ups and downs and very frequently. Who said that he's dyslexic? Who said that he's a learning disabled child? ((my baby he is. He has read my mind so correctly. He has learnt to read people's mind from their behavior. what else do i/ u/ we want him/ any1 to read.'The mind' right?? "Read the mind! learn to read the mind" this is what goes around in mind, most of the time....this is what I teach my students. I improve the quality of my student's and my life using this mantra. reading n understanding self  'introspection'..is my highest priority. i follow it n tell how important it is to my students, to follow it.)) 

Hardly for  24 hrs my happiness and euphoric mood lasted. some1 killed the experiences of joy, the child (i)n me was having, very very badly. I'm unable to take it. it has hurt me emotionally and mentally. i'm badly disturbed. I cant ask god for anything. i'm feeling blank about my future. though have plans for career and professional life very clear, my action and reaction towards the person who disturbed are so obscure. i cant do anything or take any decision. that thought itself is pissing me off and taking my energy away and feel so very weak. i'm feeling as if i'm being haunted by something/ some1. i wanna seriously run away from it.

I have learnt that happiness doesn't last for a longer time and expect it to last for a longer time.
what has happened to me. my blogs first name was....'the happy princess', remember/ do u know dat? lovely and adorable were dose days. wer is that princess and wot happiness?
i'm looking for a wall to scribble...scribble my mind.....write and  read my mind.
i'm missing the 'real me'!
I'm struggling to balance the child (i)n me.god just help me do this...just in this, i need ur help.