when life takes an O-turn

Life...takes twists n turns in the form of u-v-w etc....what makes me feel very weird and freak is that 'for me it takes an O-turn very frequently'.
My happiness is not consistent but wat is consistent is confusion about certain things and people are. it's really F.
I just hate it. I'm noticing...these days, on many occasions in my professional life especially while dealing with some critical issues things/situations come back to the starting point even after a detailed and systematic approach. is it fate/ destiny? probably my foot!parents of my students and i often get pissed off, but we mask it 'coz we need to struggle for our kids with perseverance with a smile. But as long as the kids are literally infront of our eyes life is beautiful.
When it comes to personal front..i dont understand how exactly to deal with it. most of the time...(of late) i feel as though i really dont need a personal life. i feel like taking sanyasam and dedicate myself 24*7 for the betterment of my students. Only THEY deserve me.
ppl in my personal front make me feel that neither I nor they deserve each other in our lives, and i dont really find it productive/ even flowering (forget about fruition). i cannot run-away from personal life!!!??? is it? this is actually holy crap.
In my personal life i have hardly 2 friends with whom i can really dare share my happiness. 'coz i dont have to fear that they'll kill my joy. they look forward to listen from me more and more of my happiness. wow! it's a very feel good factor.
but what upsets me is that.. these few friends are miles far away from me. i need to text/mail/ desperately wait for their calls. i'm no position to reach them immediately whenevr i want/ need them. yeah A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED. this Q i chant almost 10times a day at many instances. This doesn't mean that i'm looking for new friends (already f'd up, enuf now). Coming to sorrows/ hardships? It's not really easy to open up to some1 to share the bad/negatives. what iff,  u share ur pains with some1 and that person pokes u back in ur eye n causes more pain? wen in distress it is human tendency to look for a shoulder on whom u can lean ur head n vent out unconditionally. i feel am craving for it. for how long i can mail/msg/call/ long for frns frm abroad/ distant lands? i'm trying to be an independent woman, strong ,bold, courageous, brave and unshaken. but there is something/ someone with strong negative force trying to pull me back n make me feel as a failure.
everytime im growing like a tree and  falling like a seed to fight back. but there is sth that's neither letting me fall nor grow. this what and how i feel off late at many instances.
Life is a bitch when it cames to the starting point after several trials to succeed/ overcome certain difficulties and then try to fool u.
I hate O-turns.